


and we will come back home

by we_are_inevitable



Series: awwcbh fic-verse [1]
Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Bar fights, Character Death, Daniel Kelly's A+ Parenting, Farm Boy Jack Kelly, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Hate Crimes, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Jewish David Jacobs, Latino Jack Kelly, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Injuries, Minor Sarah Jacobs/Katherine Plumber Pulitzer, Minor Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Slurs, Terminal Illnesses, Wakes & Funerals, homophobic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28744905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_are_inevitable/pseuds/we_are_inevitable
Summary: in the midst of heartache and loss,love can be found.friendship can be rekindled.hope can be restored.david jacobs is grateful for his chance to mend the past and choose the future.(modern au; story set in rural Southwest Oklahoma.)
Relationships: David Jacobs/Jack Kelly
Series: awwcbh fic-verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2187705
Comments: 81
Kudos: 56





	1. home: where our story begins

The driver’s side door slams shut with no resistance. It’s an alarm- a notice, a way to say, _Hey! I’m home!_

It’s a way to finalize his arrival. Of course it is. The slam is loud enough to alert anyone inside, he’s sure. Mama always used to tell him not to slam the car doors, because it was impolite, as it made such a loud noise that could easily wake the family.

Maybe that’s why he wants to do it now, he thinks as he stares straight up at the white, two story house.

It hasn’t changed a bit in any major ways. There’s still two big windows out front, giving ample lighting to the minimalist interior, but it’s now covered by deep maroon curtains- not the blue that they had when he was younger. The wooden door behind the screen still has some old words carved into the middle. Nicknames, important dates from his childhood, the names of friends that practically lived at the house. Above the door is a balcony, leading into his old childhood bedroom upstairs. That balcony, and the wraparound porch below, had been the catalyst to some of the best moments of his childhood. Playing knights and princesses and using the balcony as a tower, jumping off of the railing on the porch, running around the house in vicious games of tag... 

He had forgotten just how easy it was to miss this place.

He decides against bringing in any of his things. It isn’t like his car will be going anywhere anytime soon, he can come get his luggage after making his appearance, but he almost wishes he had a buffer. This new life he led was so different than the one he had left, and he hasn’t been home in, what… three years? Close to it.

He doesn’t have any time to dwell, he realizes, as he turns around to lock the car and--

_“David!”_

Before he even has time to turn, David is- quite literally- body slammed against the car. He lets out a shocked yelp, then dissolves into uproarious laughter as he struggles to turn in the embrace. “Jesus, Les, give me a little warning next time, will ya?” He chastises as he pats the top of his brother’s head, but that gesture is futile, he soon learns.

Once he’s able to move and _isn’t_ trapped between his vehicle and his younger brother, his jaw slackens and he raises his brows. The last time David had come home, Les was still… well, little. Not in age- no, Les had been 15- but he was scrawny and nail thin and still had wild, dark curls. But this Les is different.

For one, David has to look up at him.

He tries not to take it personally.

“Shit, man,” David shakes his head with a low whistle. “How … How did this happen?” He asks, making a gesture to, well, _everything_ about Les.

“Dave, I’m eighteen. It was bound to happen,” Les says in a voice that sounds way too deep to belong to his little brother.

Before David is able to respond to that, he hears the screen door creak open. As he turns, his gaze softens, and he walks forward with open arms. “Hi, momma.”

Esther smiles at him. That smile that he had missed so, so much. The hardest thing about moving to New York had undoubtedly been leaving his ma and pa, but he had done it and survived. He was almost grateful for the distance, in some sick way.

But that distance is why he’s home. Home, after far too long.

He meets Esther in the middle, giving her a hug as tight as he can manage. She squeezes back, too, in a tired, more subdued way. Usually when he comes home, she runs out and hugs him. Jumps up and down. Screams about how her baby is home from the top of her lungs, but this… this is different. David knows it’s different.

He knows, because he can feel her shoulders shake. He knows, because he can tell by the hitch in her breath that she’s crying.

David holds her for a long, long time.

Eventually, though, she pulls away and wipes her eyes. She sniffs, lets out a bitter laugh, and gently reaches up to cup David’s cheeks. “I missed you, baby. I’m so glad you’re home.”

“I wish it it was under different circumstances,” He whispers, biting his lip. “Ma, I’m so--”

“No, no, none of that now. What matters… What matters now is that you’re here. You’re here now, and that’s all that counts, okay?... Let’s go inside, hun. He wants to see ya.” Esther squeezes his hand.

David nods, letting out a soft little sigh. “How- How is he?”

“Well, he don’t look too good,” Esther shakes her head, leading David toward the front steps. Les follows behind them. “He’s real weak, but the doctors gave us some- some pain medication to make everything easier until it’s time,” She whispers.

That thought makes David’s stomach flip. It’s still a very new wound. When his father got sick about a month and a half ago, they’d all originally thought it to be just a cough, but then it persisted. Then, it got worse. Mayer could barely breathe, and he was coughing up blood… When David got the call, he had been at work. A good job. One with a high salary. He worked at a publishing office as a book editor. Made close to $85k a year, especially since he’d worked at the company for, what, six years now?

He had been one of the best workers there.

But not even ten minutes after he got that call, after Esther told him that Mayer was _sick, baby, real sick, and he doesn’t have much time left,_ David quit on the spot.

The only reason why he hadn’t been out here sooner is because of issues with his apartment and his landlord, which made his blood boil, but as soon as he was free, David drove from New York all the way back to Nowhere In Particular, Oklahoma.

That’s what it felt like, at least. Sure, it was fun growing up, but as soon as David moved to New York for college, he realized just what a shithole this town actually was. For starters, there was one stoplight in the entire town. They were lucky they even had a grocery store. They had a McDonald’s, a Sonic, and a Subway, but no good quality restaurants- aside from the old diner on mainstreet, right across the road from the Baptist church. They had a gas station, a small library that rarely carried any good books, a small park on an empty lot, and a school across the street. Even the school was small, split into four buildings- the gym and elementary, middle, and high schools. It didn’t need to be much bigger than that, especially not with the size of their graduating class. David remembers graduation clearly, because there were only eighteen seniors, and seven of them were his best friends.

The town felt so small now, but… but David is back. Back for good.

Back, because his father is dying.

As David steps into the house, he takes a deep breath and glances around. He feels more than sees Sarah walk toward him, enveloping him in a tight hug as he stares up at the ceiling. Being home like this feels so strange after so long, but he’s grateful for the chance. He’s grateful for the time he has with his family.

David pulls back and looks at Sarah with a sad smile, squeezing her shoulder twice- their signal, their ‘thing’ that means, _“I’ll talk to you later.”_ David then walks past her, looking back at his mom with a question in his eyes as he gestures to their bedroom, and all Esther can do is nod. David nods back, takes in another breath, and wills himself to walk down the hall to the bedroom.

He isn’t sure what he’s expecting. Part of him is hoping to see Mayer standing, tying his tie, getting ready for work, but David knows that that’s nothing but a pipedream. 

When he opens the door, he takes in a slow, deep breath, trying to make sure he doesn’t disturb his father- who seems to be asleep. He closes the door behind him, crossing the room to sit in the chair next to the bed. Mayer looks so… so different. His face has sunken in. His once strong arms have lost so much muscle. He looks like a shell of the man he once was- a shell of the father he’d always been. The father that built that treehouse in the backyard, even when he was tired after shifts at the factory in the town over. The father that used to pick David up and carry him like a sack of potatoes, which always made David laugh so hard he cried. The father who held three kids, who provided for their family, who hugged David for nearly five minutes on the day David left for college.

Mayer had always been such a presence, but now… Now he looks frail. Weak.

David can’t quite stifle the first sob.

He covers his mouth with his hands, but it’s too late- Mayer is already blinking his eyes open, already slowly sitting up. He looks confused for a moment, until his eyes focus and widen. “David?” He rasps, and slowly reaches out, holding out a hand.

And David takes it, scooting the chair forward as close as he can. “D-Dad,” he whimpers, willing the tears away as he takes in a few deep breaths. “I-I’m so sorry I haven’t been here, but- but I’m here now, and--”

“David, son, no,” Mayer whispers. He pushes himself up, and David helps steady him, then looks at his son with a sad smile. “David… You don’t need to worry about me, okay?”

His voice is different. It’s hoarse, which David should have expected, because Mayer’s lungs have gone to shit, but it’s _different_ and it’s _rough_ and David suddenly feels like he can’t breathe, but he forces himself to calm down. “I-It’s a little too late for that, sir.”

“It’s a little too late for a lot of things,” Mayer replies with a long, shaky sigh. “We… We can’t change this, David, but we can adapt. We can… prepare.”

“Momma said that there’s treatment,” David whispers, gulping. “If it’s too expensive, I can cover it! I have- I have a lot saved up, and--”

Mayer squeezes David’s hand. “Son… treatment, it… it’s too late. I’ve made peace with--”

“But I haven’t!” David furiously wipes his eyes. “I haven’t. None of us-- We-- We can’t l-lose you, Dad… What are we supposed to do…?”

“You are going to live the life I’m unable to live.”

With that, the floodgates open. David isn’t really sure of anything in that moment, but he knows he has his face pressed against his father’s shoulder and he knows he’s half-lying on the bed in an awkward position and he knows Mayer is stroking his hair like he used to do when David was a kid. They stay like that for a long while, at least until David is able to take in a solid breath.

When David pulls back, he sees Mayer with tears of his own cascading down his cheeks. The sight breaks David’s heart, but… but Mayer is smiling at him, as if he’s come to terms with his death. As if it’s a joyous occasion, rather than a painful smear across the lives of the Jacobs family members.

Still, in that moment, David can’t help but smile back.

“You’re going to take care of your mother and your siblings, yes?” Mayer asks as he pats David on the shoulder.

“I’m sure as hell gonna try,” David whispers in all seriousness, and Mayer lets out a soft, barely there chuckle.

He then winces and lies back down, taking in a few deep, ragged breaths. “Good. That’s… good. I love you, son. I think… I think I will rest now.”

“We’ll be right outside if you need anything, dad,” David whispers. He stands, gives Mayer’s hand one last squeeze, and slowly makes his way out of the room, turning off the light as he does so. As David walks into the living room, he feels overwhelmed. There’s an aching in his chest that he hasn’t felt since the night of the phone call, and it hurts. Hurts to think that, within the next few weeks, at most, his father will be… gone.

David turns the corner and sees Esther there, talking to a woman who looks barely older than Sarah and himself. A quick observational glance tells him that she’s the nurse. Right. Esther had mentioned something about hiring a nurse to aid Mayer in his last few weeks, but he had forgotten about it amidst all of the chaos.

He walks past the nurse, walks past Esther and Les, and walks straight out to the front porch. He glances to the left, then to the right, a slight grin on his face appearing as he sees Sarah curled up on the porch swing. “Hey, Saz,” He murmurs as he walks closer. She moves her feet up, leaving enough space for David to sit cross legged on the swing. “When’d you get in?”

“Plane came in ‘bout a week ago,” She explains slowly, looking up at David with a tired expression. “Mom’s been worrying herself sick about all of this. I don’t blame her, I just… I’m really glad you’re here, Dee. We all are.”

David gives a soft nod in lieu of a response, then sucks in a deep breath. “Are you gonna be staying?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I… I found a place in town. A one bedroom, but it’s better than nothing,” She says with a chuckle. “The district was kind of pissed at me for leaving in the middle of the year, but… At least I have a job here now. I’m, um, gonna be subbing at the school ‘til the end of the year, and they’ve already talked about hiring me in a permanent position next year. Mrs. Hannah is finally retiring, y’know. They want me to take over her classes.”

“Sarah, that’s great!” David says with a smile, nudging her shoulder with his fist. “I’m proud of you. Look at you go… Are you gonna miss Nashville?”

“Are you gonna miss New York?”

“Okay, okay, I get it. Stupid question,” David says with a huff, then bites his lip. “You, uh… You wanna get dinner later? Catch up a bit?”

Sarah’s eyes widen just slightly, and she sits up. “I-- Actually, uh, I’m gonna- I have--... I have plans. Dinner. With, uh… with Kath.”

“Katie’s back in town?”

“All of ‘em are,” Sarah says with a smile. “‘Cept for Charlie, but he only lives ‘bout thirty minutes away. But, yeah, all of ‘em are back. Tony, Sean, Al, Kath, Charlie…”

“...Jack?”

“Davey,” Sarah says seriously, looking into his eyes. “Jack never left.”

David gulps. Nods to himself, then runs a hand through his hair. “Good to know.”


	2. home: feels good to leave, feels better to come back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David meets an old friend.

A rooster crow wakes David with a start.

He had been dreaming about something. Something nice and warm, something that felt like home- but that dream is long gone, far away from his grasp, leaving only the cold reality of his situation.

David sits up. Runs his hand through thick hair that sticks up in each direction. He blinks the tiredness out of his eyes, which takes much longer than he originally expected, before simply covering his face with his palms and letting out a slow exhale. Today is going to be exhausting, he’s sure of it. He knows that Esther wants him to go to town for her, and he isn’t opposed to it at all- but seeing the locals is always… nerve wracking. They always have questions about the city and about his life, and now they were sure to have questions about his father.

He isn’t sure if he can handle that mental anguish right now.

David lets his shoulders sag, slowly looking around the room. He’s in his childhood bedroom for the first time in years, but nothing looks out of place. He still has framed photos on the shelf from various basketball tournaments with his team. He was never great at it, but he was tall, so. Hm. Natural advantage. Of course, he’s grateful for the experience- there was never much else that he could do in such a small town, but looking back, it just feels so wrong.

When he played, in freshman and sophomore year, he was still… in the closet. Still not out. He didn’t come out until the summer before junior year, and silently left the team- just out of fear of retaliation. It never came, but during David’s last two years of highschool, he focused more on academics. On test scores.

On fighting for his way out of this good-for-nothing town.

Still, he keeps the photos, because he was on the team with Tony and Albert, and he has fond memories of their late night conversations on the bus rides home after away games.

Memories with friends had really been his reason for keeping… well, a lot of the things in his room. There are photos and newspaper clippings plastered along the walls. Academic team medals hang from hooks. Yearbooks from grades one through twelve take up an entire section of his bookshelf. There are so many memories, so many good things in this room, yet he can’t help but feel… lonely.

While staring at the photos haphazardly taped to the walls, David suddenly realizes just how long it’s been since he had anything that even resembles a friend. Sure, his coworkers have been nice, and, yeah, sometimes they all go out for drinks at the bar, but they never hung out outside of work. Never spent five hours walking around a mall, never saw a movie together, never snuck into a pasture and had a bonfire with copious amounts of beer and weed flowing through their systems.

Simply put, none of them had been Tony, or Al, or Charlie, or Spot, or Kath.

Simply put, none of them had been Jack Kelly.

Okay, yeah. Sure. David had had other friends. He’d met Tony in second grade. Charlie and Al both moved to town in third, while Spot didn’t come in until fifth. But before them, the group had always been David, Sarah, Katherine, and… Jack.

Sarah and David were in two different kindergarten classes. On the first day of school, Sarah met Katherine and David met Jack, and they had been, well, inseparable.

David and Jack played on the playground every day, playing cowboys or robots or knights- always imagining big stories with bigger futures. They used to say that they were gonna leave this town together. They’d get money, run away to some big city, and live as two best friends for the rest of their lives.

Reality seemed to settle in middle school, though, when they both had to actually think about what they were going to do. Jack, bless him, had been dead set on being an artist at the time, while David had wanted to do something in the medical field- something brought on by an intense, albeit brief, hyperfixation on Grey’s Anatomy as a pre-teen. Still, even then, even as they grew older, Jack and David were best friends.

Middle school was also around the time that David stopped staying the night at Jack’s place, because Jack said his dad, Daniel, didn’t really like company anymore… but, hey. That meant more nights spent under his own roof, playing video games with Jack and subsequently kicking his ass because Jack didn’t have any practice. It meant late night talks on the balcony, talking about school and life and their current favorite shows or sports teams or whatever else they cared about. It meant that Jack was a frequent guest at the Jacobs house, and went everywhere with them- the movie theater in town, the grocery store, the park- even on vacation that one time they all went to Galveston for the week.

And then high school came, and Jack got busier and busier on the farm, and David got busier and busier with sports and academic team, but they still saw each other constantly at school- even built their schedules around each other. Jack came to every basketball game he could get to, even away games once he had his truck, and David made sure to be at every rodeo just to see Jack in the ring, barrel racing on his horse- Cash- just for the hell of it. 

Jack had been David’s best friend for a lifetime, but now… David doesn’t even know what he looks like.

Has it really been that long?

David comes back to himself after that thought. He’s been staring at a photo of the two of them after one of David’s academic meets in senior year, and Jack was beaming at the camera while David shyly held up a first place medal. Jack looked so young back then. Shorter, about 5’8, but with a strong build from days of working on the farm. His hair was short, like always. Daniel didn’t like Jack having long hair, so he never did. His clothes were very ‘Jack’- boots, jeans, a plaid button down over a white t-shirt, with that shiny silver belt buckle tying everything together. His megawatt smile was that much brighter against his brown skin.

Jack had always looked… so beautiful back then. David just wishes he would have said something.

He almost did, once, but then Jack asked Katherine to junior prom and David’s feelings were replaced with absolute elation about his two best friends getting together. Rather than dwell on his lost chance, David turned the energy into being the best friend he could be, into being their biggest supporter. He helped Katherine find a prom dress and helped Jack find something to wear that wasn’t muddy jeans and boots, and even that summer, he was the only friend who didn’t mind being the ‘third wheel’ when the three of them met up.

But, again, this was ten years ago. David isn’t even sure why he’s so hung up on the prospect of accidentally seeing Jack again, but he decides not to dwell on the past any longer. Besides, David has had plenty of other experiences in New York. Committed relationships to one night stands, short flings to long-suffered heartaches. David has had a life outside of this little town for so long.

Seeing one ghost of the past surely won’t knock him off kilter.

He stands up finally after minutes of sitting in bed, and makes quick use of the upstairs shower. Once he feels refreshed and awake, David walks back into his bedroom and lugs his suitcase up into the bed. Hedecides on a simple outfit; a white t-shirt and fitted jeans, with an unbuttoned blue overshirt and tan chelsea boots to match. He could easily wear something more… flamboyant, but he needs to get a feel for the town again before he dares do something so bold.

Being hate crimed on his first day back is something he would like to avoid, thank you very much.

Only after he double checks himself in the mirror does he make his descent downstairs. He hears commotion in the kitchen, so he already knows that Esther is making breakfast. Most likely, she’s making eggs, toasted challah, latkes, and roasted tomatoes; it had been a favorite of David when he was a young boy, so she made it on every special occasion that revolved around him. By extension, it is- of course- her go-to meal for when her son comes home from New York.

Slowly, David rounds the corner, jutting his hip out as he leans with his shoulder on the wall. “Morning, ma.”

Esther casts a glance over her shoulder, smiling wide at David as she flips an egg. “Mornin’, baby. You sleep good?”

“Great, actually,” David confirms, then hops up to sit on the counter. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Are you kiddin’ me? You just got home, hun, let Momma do the work for once. I’ve missed treatin’ you, Dee,” Esther insists. He really should have known better than to ask; she’s always been like this. Even though her babies technically aren’t babies anymore, she still loves doing whatever she can for them. She’s always been so selfless.

“If you say so,” David replies easily, falling silent as he watches her cook. It feels weird not helping, if he’s being honest. As a teenager, he would constantly be in the kitchen with her, cooking and baking for everything Rosh Hashanah and Chanukah to a typical Wednesday dinner with all six of David’s friends piled into their living room.

Instead, however, he watches her. Studies those familiar movements, though even now, doing what she loves doing, she looks so… stressed. David takes in a deep breath. “How's Dad doing?”

“He had a bit of a rough night,” She answers quickly, biting her lip. “He- He had a few bad coughin’ fits, y’know. Nothin’ too horrible, but… They aren’t gettin’ any better.”

David nods slowly, looking down at his hands as he bites his lip. “I- I still don’t understand why he’s refusing treatment. Mom, this is probably preventable… Can’t we try something?”

“He says it’ll ‘prolong the inevitable.’ You know your father, David… He thinks that if we have to take care of him, he’ll just be a burden. He’s already drafted a will, and he’s been in contact with his friend- Thomas Jenkins, the one who owns the funeral home, you know?” Esther turns to look at David with a soft smile, though her smile fades as she sees the frown set deep on David’s face. “Baby… Your father knows it’s his time, dear. We all know. Now, I… I know it’s different for you,” She whispers, walking forward to take his hands, “but your father loved you no matter what. Please, baby, don’t blame yourself for not bein’ here… He is so, so proud of you for everything. He loves you. _I_ love you,” She murmurs softly, then leans up to kiss David’s cheek.

“I love you too, Momma,” David says with a sad smile, before slowly clearing his throat. His mother has always had such a way of making him calm down, making him think rationally, but this isn’t fair. She shouldn’t be the one comforting him; it should be the other way around. She’s the one losing her goddamn husband, and she’s still having to console her grown son. David shakes his head at the thought, then bites his lip. “What am I getting in town today?”

Esther thinks for a moment, walking back to the stove. “I just need you to go get some feed from Hank, if ya don’t mind. We have a charge account at the co-op, so just get some goat feed and some chicken scratch and that should be good… Oh! Ol’ Joe heard you’re back in town, too. He has a job offer for ya.”

“Pulitzer?” David asks as he drops down from the counter. He crosses the kitchen, beginning to get the plates and silverware out from the cabinets and drawers. “He hates me.”

“Well, he knows you have journalism experience, and he knows you’re trustworthy--”

“He also accused me of pretending to be gay so I could get closer to Katherine and see her topless.”

“He’s changed his stance on the gays, honey. Kitty is a lesbian now.”

 _“What?”_ David whips around to look at Esther, eyes widening. “Holy… I wasn’t expecting that. You’re sure?”

“Well, Dee,” Esther shoots him a glance, “she _is_ dating your sister.”

David stares at her. Blinks, then throws his hands up. “I am going to _kill_ Sarah! No one tells me shit anymore!”

“Okay, well, you can murder your sister after breakfast. The latkes ain’t gonna eat themselves.”  
***  
An hour passes, and once the dishes are clean and Sarah has been properly yelled at for keeping her love life from her twin, David is on his way into town.

It’s almost therapeutic, in a way. Driving these roads used to be David’s only escape, and now, these same roads are home again after so long. Even as he approaches town, though, he sees just how… different everything is now.

For starters, there’s a new turn lane. That was never there before. Already, he's seeing new restaurants. There’s a Chick-fil-A and a Taco Bell that certainly weren’t there on his last home visit, plus a few new mom and pop diners and some boutiques that seem to cater exclusively to WASP women. A weed dispensary has taken the place of one of the old houses that used to be right on the edge of town, and-... Holy shit.

A second stoplight.

This is not the same town that David remembers.

Regardless, David continues driving, seeing the same old grain silo right next to the water tower in the middle of town. He pulls into the parking lot and gets out of the car, taking a deep breath. He hasn’t been in here in a hot minute. Goat feed and chicken scratch… that’s all.

He walks into the nondescript building with a sigh, holding his head up high. There are a few old men talking up at the counter, who all turn when they hear the bell above the door ring. They all seem kind of confused, until the man behind the counter shoots a proud smile at him. “Well, if that ain’t David Jacobs! Look at you, boy. All grown up.”

“Nice to see ya, Hank,” David says with a wave of his hand, walking up to the counter slowly. “How's business?”

“You know how it is ‘round here. Not much business, ‘less ya count bullshittin’ with the fellas. How are you doin, son? How’s your old man?” Hank- a round, balding man with glasses and a baseball cap- asks with a sad smile. He walks out from behind the counter and shakes David’s hand, giving him a pat on the back.

“I’m not too bad myself,” David answers, then sighs. “Dad could be in better shape. Doctor’s say he doesn’t have much longer.”

“Well, you best let your mom know that if she needs anything, she better tell us guys. Okay?” Hank says seriously, then nods his head to the side. “Follow me, Dave. Goat feed and scratch, right? To the charge account?”

“Yes, sir,” David answers with a grin, following Hank out a back door to the warehouse behind the building. Once outside, Hank talks to him- tells him some things he’s missed around the town, lets him in on some of the recent drama, and David listens, yeah, but suddenly-...

Suddenly, there’s a laugh.

David stops in his tracks, head whipping around with wide eyes as he looks off to the back parking lot near the other side of the warehouse. There are two men talking- and older man that David vaguely recognizes as Mr. Jenkins, and a man who has his back to him. This man has dark, thick, wavy hair that stops just a few inches above his shoulders. From the looks of his hands, he has brown skin, and from the look of his build, he’s strong… but his appearance isn’t what David is caught up on.

No, it’s his voice.

He must be staring a little too hard, because the next thing he knows is that Mr. Jenkins is waving at him. “David! It’s good to see you!” He calls over, which makes the other man turn around.

All of the air leaves David’s lungs in one instant exhale.

It’s Jack.

Jack, and those brown eyes. Jack, and that tan skin. Jack, and that sharp jawline, that shocked expression, that excited confusion. They stay there, staring for what feels like ages, but then, Jack moves.

David is frozen as Jack comes forward. Jack looks hesitant, almost nervous, but David sets his shoulders and takes a few steps forward of his own, taking in a deep breath through his nose. Once they’re right in front of each other, Jack holds out a hand and flashes that signature Kelly grin, and David can’t help but reciprocate with a slight chuckle.

“Hey, Jackie,” David says calmly, quietly, his heart pounding in his chest as he shakes Jack’s hand.

Jack grips his hand tight. Laughs, tilts his head, and clicks his tongue. “Howdy, Jacobs. Long time, no see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JACK KELLY IS BROWN !!!!! BROWN, I TELL YOU !!!! BROWN !!!!
> 
> i really hope you guys liked this !!! comments are greatly appreciated, and sorry for the wait !!!


	3. home: where you hear love within the stillness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David says goodbye.

Jack’s handshake is firm.

That’s one thing about him that never changed, and David is thankful for it. It feels weird shaking his hand, though- it’s much more formal than he would like, but, then again… ten years have passed.

Ten long, lonely years.

“Been a while, hasn’t it?” David says with a grin, pulling his hand away after a few moments. He takes in Jack’s appearance, noticing a few minor details that have got to be new. For starters, rather than a shorter crew cut, Jack’s hair is long. Down to the nape of his neck, though there’s a lot of volume- it’s wavy, and thick, and there are a few wisps that fall out from underneath that cowboy hat and just barely fall into his face. Speaking of face, Jack’s jawline seems to have gotten even stronger. All of him had, if David is being honest; when David left, Jack had been a bit scrawny. Strong, yes, but not much to show for it. Now, though…

Well. Now, Jack’s filling out that black t-shirt he was wearing. The shirt is tight on him, and David can see that clearly in the way that he can visibly see the muscles underneath the fabric, and that shirt is neatly tucked into a tight pair of dark Wranglers. Bootcut, of course, with brown, dusty cowboy boots to match. The outfit is pulled together by a brown belt and a flashy silver belt buckle right square in the middle.

Needless to say, Jack Kelly has grown up.

David’s gaze flicks over him for just a moment before he looks back down to meet Jack’s eyes.

“Well, it certainly has,” Jack answers after a few moments of hesitation, and smiles up at David. “I heard a rumor that you were gonna be comin’ back. Didn’t know it was true,” Jack chuckles, but his smile soon falls, and he shifts his weight from one foot to another. "I, uh… I heard ‘bout Mayer. I’m real sorry, Dave… How is he?”

“He’s doing good, under the circumstances,” David says with a deep sigh. He has a feeling that whoever he sees around town will be asking him the same damn questions, and, well, he can’t really blame them. Mayer had been a good man around town. Well known, extremely respected. He was, of course, a history teacher at the high school- he had taught nearly everyone under 40 who still lived in town, and had received a lot of recognition on both the local and state levels. It was nice to know that the town still cared enough to worry.

At least the funeral would be a hit, when the time comes.

A bit of a morbid thought, yeah, but… it’s true.

Nonetheless, David shakes his head. “So, what have you been up to all these years? How’d the welding courses treat ya?”

 _“Shit,_ man, they’ve done me a lotta good,” Jack admits with a laugh, rolling his shoulder. “Got my certification and worked with a construction company for a while, ‘fore deciding to stay home on the farm, but it was a damn good job.”

David smiles a bit. “Better than going to art school?”

There’s a flash of something on Jack’s face at that comment- shock or anger, maybe both- but it’s gone before David can decipher it. “I-- I guess,” Jack concedes, rubbing the back of his neck. “Made a hell of a lot more money doin’ what I did, though. I’m not pressed about that. What about you, huh? How was New York?”

“Big,” David deadpans, and Jack lets out this laugh, a genuine, shoulder shaking laugh. “Really big. It took a while to get used to it, but… God, I loved it. I got this job at a publishing firm as a book editor, and it’s been great. It’s actually given me a lot of ideas for some novels, y’know. Like-- Taking common tropes and twisting them my own way, making something new that’s still recognizable but disguised by something else, and-... Sorry, sorry, I’m rambling,” David shakes his head, but doesn’t miss the way Jack smiles at him. “Either way, New York was great. I… I hope I’ll be able to go back one day. Y’know, after I make sure that Momma and Les are alright on their own.”

Jack is silent for a few moments, but he soon shakes his head and pats David on the back. “You still got that heart of gold, Dave. I’m glad to see that.” He gives David a nod, then pulls out his phone. “Say, I gotta get goin’. Better bring this feed home, ‘fore the girls think they’re dyin’, but if ya don’t mind, can I get your number? It’ll be nice to catch up,” Jack says with this shy little smile, before his eyes widen. “Uh-- The girls, they’re my, uh-- My cows. And heifers. You--”

“I know the drill,” David says with a laugh, and takes Jack’s phone, speaking as he types in his number. “I know how attached you are to your girls. Momma’s the same way with her ladies. I swear, she talks to those hens more than she talks to any of us kids.”

“‘Ey, don’t knock it ‘til ya try it. Hens and heifers are often better listeners,” Jack replies with a smirk and a wink, taking his phone back after David is finished. “I’ll give ya a call after ‘while. ‘S good to see ya, Davey.”

“Good seeing you, too, Jackie,” David responds easily, and gives Jack a little wave. He watches as Jack jogs back over to his truck- a blue Dodge Dakota from 1995, the same farm truck he’d had when they were younger. Back then, she was a little worse for wear, but Jack had clearly fixed her up a bit.

David watches just a few seconds longer, just in time to see Jack pick up a 50 pound bag of feed like it was nothing and toss it into the bed of his truck. With that image in his mind, David then turns back to Hank, who has already gotten the goat feed and chicken scratch while David had talked to Jack. “Thank you, Hank.”

“No problem, kiddo,” Hank smiles, and shoots him a knowing look. “You ain’t seen Jack in a while. I wasn’t about’a break y’all up again. Go get your car and bring it around, I’ll get Jesse to come put ‘em in the back.”

Not even five minutes later, David is pulling back onto main street.

Being alone in his car is a nice respite from the chaos of the past ten minutes. He hadn’t expected to see Jack, but the interaction had been fine… right? Right. It had been fine. Good! Great.

No, it had been awkward, and they both knew it. Jack was tense, and David didn’t know how to make the right words come out, and the interaction wasn’t _bad,_ per se, but it could have been _better._

David is pissed at himself that he didn’t go in for a hug.

As soon as David is home, he slams his car door and takes in a deep breath. It only takes him a few minutes to take the feed to their respective areas, and if he stops to pet some of the goats, then no one needs to know. When he’s finished with that, though, David walks inside with his hands covering his face, letting out a loud groan as he stands in the middle of the living room.

Les looks up from his phone, but doesn’t say anything.

David groans again. Overdramatic. Loud.

Les sighs. “What happened at the co-op?”

“I’m doing _wonderfully,_ thanks for asking, oh, dearest brother of mine,” David mutters, walking around the coffee table to plop down on the cushion next to Les. “I saw Jack today.”

Les stares at him and blinks, but raises an eyebrow. “And that’s my problem?”

“No one warned me that he's hot now!”

“I don’t think Jack is hot,” Les replies with a shrug.

“Okay, but- but you don’t count, ‘cause you're, like, ten years younger than him. And straight.”

“Ah, yes. Sorry to burst your bubble but, tragically, I am heterosexual,” Les says with a deep sigh, then shoves David’s arm with his fist. “I’m sorry you’re having a quarterlife crisis that involves crushing on your old best friend, but I don’t know what you expect me to do about it.”

“I don’t _expect_ you to do anything, I just--”

A loud, ragged cough from the room behind them stops David in his tracks.

David’s eyes widen and he looks at Les, who is looking back at him with a concerned expression. Les places his hand over David’s, biting his lip. “It… It’s been like this for a few weeks,” He explains in a quiet voice. “It’s getting worse, Dave. I don’t… I don’t- I don't think he’s gonna…”

“Hey, hey, everything is gonna be okay,” Davis says softly, then wraps an arm around Les while taking in a sharp breath. “Are you… How are you taking this?”

“I don’t want him to go,” Les whispers, already fighting tears when David pulls him up. As they walk out to the porch, David realizes just how hard this is going to be hitting Les. Sure, he and Sarah were going to be heartbroken, but they’re both 28 now. They both have experience living life on their own without Mayer’s immediate presence.

Les, though, is eighteen. He’s in his senior year of high school now, but school only just started about a month ago, and, from the looks of it… Mayer isn’t going to be here to celebrate when Les gets accepted into college. Mayer isn’t going to be here for Les’s last chanukah as a ‘child’. Mayer isn’t going to be here to see him graduate, and won’t be able to take him on any college tours, and won’t be able to give him a big hug once move-in day comes next August.

David and Sarah both got to finish their childhoods with their father, but David has never realized that Les isn’t going to have that luxury.

As they sit down on the front steps, David sighs and looks down at Les, biting his lip. “Okay. Spill ‘em. Get it out.”

“What?” Les asks with a confused look on his face, though he wipes his eyes.

“Cry, Les. Cry. It’s okay.”

“Crying is for pussies.”

“Pussy is what you’re _not_ gonna get if you don’t learn how to express your emotions,” David says with a pointed look, and Les lets out a little laugh at the comment, but the laugh is exactly what pushes him over the edge. Within seconds, Les has tears streaming down his face, his shoulders shaking with the force he’s using to try to keep himself together with. David wraps his arm around Les and pulls him in closer, which is all it takes for Les to grip David’s shirt and cry into his chest. “That’s it, let it out… We’re gonna be okay. You… You’re gonna be okay. We are all so, so proud of you, Les. It’s okay,” He whispers, staring up at the sky as Les continues to let everything out.

By the time Les has calmed down, David has a sizable damp area on his shirt, but that’s alright. As long as Les is alright.

***

Many things happen in the next two weeks.

First of all, David notices Jack everywhere. He’s at the grocery store, in the parking lots, at the co-op nearly every time David passes by. David sees that blue Dodge Dakota at least once a day, on days that he goes into town, and it’s almost… a game. Everytime they see each other, they make these weird faces. Jack will go cross-eyed at the stoplight, or David will stick his tongue out when they see each other across main street, and David is glad to have that joy in his life for a little while longer.

Because David’s personal life has taken a nosedive.

Mayer can barely breathe on his own anymore. The coughing fits become worse and worse. David can hardly sleep at night because of the sound of the coughing- not that he’s pointing blame; no, he knows that Mayer can’t help it, it just… doesn’t make any of it easier.

There’s a constant reminder hanging in the air that any breath could be Mayer’s last.

And, well. They’re pretty sure it’s going to happen today.

That’s the reason why there are two nurses in the home today. Mayer had been adamant about his unwillingness to die anywhere other than the comfort of his own home, and though they all knew he would be better taken care of in the hospital, the family decided not to go against his wishes. 

Either way, the nurses are here because everyone knows there’s a high chance that Mayer won’t make it through the night. Everyone is home; Les stayed home from school, Esther hasn’t left the house in days, Sarah is home anyway as she didn’t have to sub today, and David has explained to Mr. Pulitzer that he would be gone for at least the next three days. All of them have been sitting in the waiting room, praying for some sort of miracle.

In lieu of a miracle, they have a nurse come in to tell them that it’s time to say their goodbyes.

For a few long moments, no one moves. Esther is the first, however and David stands up immediately afterward, wrapping an arm around his mother from behind as they make their way to Mayer’s room.

Just by looking at his father, David can tell that he’s not going to be around much longer. He’s skin and bones, and David can’t bear to take in any more details. Fuck, he can’t even look at him like this, because if he looks at him, then this is how he’s going to remember him, and David doesn’t want to remember him like this.

David _can’t_ remember him like this.

David stares at the floor as Esther sits on the edge of the bed, whispering to Mayer with tears streaming down her cheeks. As Sarah and Les walk to the other side of the bed, David takes a step back, placing a hand on the wall for support. 

They’re all talking. Sarah is crying now, whispering her favorite memories of Mayer from her youth, and Les is holding his hand, telling him about college applications while trying not to break, and Esther… She’s nearing hysterics now, telling Mayer that she will always love him, she will always be his wife, she will always cherish the love he gave her in their thirty-three years of marriage.

Yet David is silent.

David is silent, holding onto the wall because the entire room is spinning and his chest is tightening and all he can do is rasp out, _“I- I’m sorry.”_

He feels himself stumbling to the door before he registers that he’s moving, and he doesn’t stop until he’s out the back door.

David hurries down the steps and lands on his knees in the grass, his breaths coming in rapidly, frantically- far too quick to be healthy, but as David’s fingers found his hair, he can’t stop it. He begins pulling on the strands as his breathing turns into deep gasps, and he’s rocking now, back and forth and back and forth and back and forth.

There’s a loud, loud scream coming from somewhere.

It takes David a long, long time to realize it’s coming from _him._

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, _fuck._

Tears well up in his eyes as he crosses his arms over his chest, but holding back is futile. He’s sobbing, his entire body shaking with the force, and David shuts his eyes tight. Tight, tight, tight.

He stays there for five minutes. Nothing happens, nothing stops him- until he feels a hand on his shoulder.

He looks up, makes eye contact with his mother, and, just like clockwork, another wave of tears hits full force.

It's pathetic, really. David is officially the man of the house now, and all he can bear to do is cry.

But that's okay. That's okay, because Esther is telling him it is. That's okay, because her hand is in his hair and she's tugging, grounding, just like she did when David was little, when he would get overwhelmed by school or sports or a book he had read.

That's okay, because his momma drops down next to him and pulls him in close so they can cry together.


	4. home: town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David remembers what being in his hometown is really like.

Mayer passed around noon.

By about five that evening, the kitchen in the Jacobs household looks like an all you can eat buffet.

Folks from around town have been dropping off food all day- everything from groceries for the cabinets, frozen food, hot meals, fresh produce… Everything. It was disorienting, really, having to hug so many people and shake so many hands within just a few hours, but David musters through it.

He has to, right?

For Sarah. For Les.

For Momma.

So, yeah. He’s the one doing everything. He’s the one opening doors and thanking families and community members that he hasn’t even seen in years. There’s a specific kind of ache that hurts deep in his chest, but he pushes through. He always pushes through. He’s met with the Davidson family. The Bradford family. The Jenkins and the Glovers and the McCrackens and the Renshaws.

By six o’clock, he feels as though he’s met with the entire fucking town, and all David wants to do is take a break. A long, long break. 

As soon as he sits down on the couch, though, there’s a knocking at the door. 

With a frustrated groan, David stands. He hesitates and looks around the room, biting his lip. He’s the only one in the living room- Les and Sarah are with Momma, comforting her and each other, and David had volunteered to be the one to answer the door. He knew someone had to do it, and considering David had already had his existential breakdown for the day… Well, it was their turn to have a moment.

David walks to the front door, rubbing his forehead for just a moment before opening the door. He takes in a deep breath and looks through the screen door, though his eyes soon widen and he’s racing to undo the latch and as soon as the door is open, he all but trips outside onto the porch. “Oh, my god, hi!”

Instantly, David is pulled into a hug by none other than Antonio Higgins, with Sean Conlon standing right behind him. David relaxes into the hug and hugs back, tight, tight, tight, with his eyes shutting as he rests his chin on Tony’s shoulder. “What- What are you doing here?”

“Did’ja really think we wouldn’t come stop by?” Tony asks softly, teasingly, then slowly takes a step back. “We were gonna come see ya before now, but we’ve been real busy--”

“It’s fine, really! I just- Wow, I didn't even know that you guys were around, and if I knew I would have- I would have called or something, to catch up, but--” David cuts his own rambling off with a deliberate shake of the head, then turns to face Sean. “Hey, Spotty.”

“Hey, Davey,” Sean says back with a kind, genuine grin, then gives David a side hug. “How… How’re you holdin’ up? You need anything? Some booze?”

“What I need is a swift kick to the head,” David mutters with a deep sigh, leaning into Spot’s side. “But, thanks for the offer. I think I’m gonna wait a few days before I get shitfaced, though.”

“Call us when you decide to do that," Spot rubs his shoulder.

While he does so, David looks over at Tony. He doesn't look that different at all- he still has that striking blonde hair, longer now that he's out of high school. Back when Tony was in high school, he had to have shorter hair. He was on the track team, of course, and he was damn good at it; his nickname was Racetrack, after all. But now, those blonde curls are floppy and in his face and, well, David hates to admit it, but it looks nice. He has a few more freckles, and he seems to have stayed in shape after so long. 

Spot, similarly, looks as if he hasn't aged- aside from the close-shaven facial hair decorating the lower half of his face. His hair is still pretty short; styled, though, rather than just buzzed like it was in high school. He looks strong, still.

They look exactly the same as they did so long ago, save for the matching rings on their fingers.

David eyes them, then takes a step back, eyes widening. “Wait,” He starts, raising a brow. “Are you two--”

“It’s a new development,” Race says quickly, reassuringly, but there’s a wide smile on his face. “Last week. We haven’t even started plannin’ the wedding, but it’s gonna start really soon. I promise, you haven’t missed anything.”

“Well, if you guys need any help with it, let me know. I’m really, really happy for you,” David laughs. There’s a genuine smile on his face, and he soon points to the door. “Do you guys want to come in?”

"I really wish we could," Race says with a sad smile, then gestures to Spot’s truck behind them. "We're already late for dinner with my folks, but we just wanted to stop by and make sure you're alright. We… God, Dave, when we heard, it killed us. I'm so, so sorry for your loss, man. If you need anything, just let us know, m'kay?"

"I will, I promise," David says with a sad grin, and gives Race one more big hug. "Thank you for stopping by."

"Expect it a lot more, now that we know you're back," Race laughs, and squeezes David around his middle. "You're gonna hafta come to the bar with us and Jackie sooner or later, y'know."

"Sounds like a plan," David murmurs and pulls back, though there’s an odd feeling in his chest at the mention of Jack’s name. Nonetheless, he grins at Race, then turns his attention to Spot. "It was really nice to see you guys."

"Anytime, Jacobs," Spot nods, and lets out a deep sigh as he looks up into David's eyes. "Let Momma know we're thinkin' 'bout her. If she needs _anything,_ call me. Please."

"I will. You'll be the first to know, I promise." David nods. That was another thing; back when they were kids, a lot of their group didn't really have… the best home lives. David and Sarah did, Charlie's was alright, if not a little stressful, and Race's family eagerly welcomed any of the kids, especially his four sisters- but aside from that, there weren't many positive role models for the kids.

That being said, Mayer and Esther had basically adopted all of them at some point or another, with Spot being one of the ones who really, genuinely needed it.

Spot had always had a close relationship with them. He was never the most energetic kid, so there were a lot of nights when the rest of the boys would be roughhousing or yelling while playing video games, but Spot would usually be found either in the back of the room, watching the chaos with a smug look, or at the kitchen table, talking to Esther and Mayer about everything going on in school or at home. The Jacobs had always welcomed every one of those boys with open arms, but they undoubtedly had a soft spot for Sean Conlon.

They say their goodbyes, and after Race reminds David to contact them with the funeral information, Race and Spot head back to their truck and peel out of the driveway. David watches them, and feels a heavy sort of sadness settle into his bones. He should have come home a long time ago. Two of his best friends were engaged now, and David… David had no idea.

But that was okay. He’s home now, and that’s all that matters.

He holds onto that thought as he walks back inside. He’s quick to go into the back bedroom, peeking in to see the three of them- Les, Momma, and Sarah- fast asleep on the queen sized bed. He smiles to himself at the scene, but he kind of wishes at least one of them was awake. It would have been nice to… talk to someone, but they had all had a long day, and, besides.

Over the last ten years, they’d all been closer to each other than they’d been with David, as much as that hurt to admit.

He shakes his head as he walks back into the living room, collapsing onto the couch with a heavy sigh. He lies back with his head on the cushions, and within about five minutes he’s fast asleep, exhaustion seeping deep into his bones.

He doesn’t wake until his phone rings about forty minutes later.

When he sits up to grab it, David yawns loudly, stretching his arms above his head before hurrying to grab the phone before he misses the call. He’s quick to slide his thumb across the screen, bringing it to his ear without a second thought. “Hello?”

_“Davey?”_

“Yeah, this is him,” David says as he rubs his eyes. “Can I ask who’s calling?”

There’s a laugh on the other end of the line. A familiar laugh, one he can’t quite place.

_“Davey,”_ The voice pauses, and David holds his breath. _“It’s Charlie.”_

David’s eyes widen a bit, and he takes in a sharp breath. “Charlie! I knew you sounded familiar, I just-- I’m sorry, it’s been… A long day.”

_“I can imagine… I’m really sorry for your loss, Dave. I just heard the news. How are you holding up?”_

“I’m doing alright, I think,” David says with a shrug, leaning back with the phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder. “Obviously it hurts, but right now, I just… I have to be there for the family, y’know? Momma’s said maybe two sentences since this morning, and Sarah and Les are kind of down for the count right now.”

_“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take care of your needs, too. I get it, you wanna be the man of the house, but… Don’t push your emotions off to the side, okay?”_

David lets out a soft, joking chuckle. “Since when did you become a therapist?”

_“Since I went to college and got a Masters degree.”_

Oh. Right.

David bites his lip. “I-- Sorry if that sounded--”

_“I ain’t upset or anything. It was actually funny, so you’re good… Listen, I just wanted to call and let you know I’m here for you. I’m gonna be in town for a while soon, so maybe we can meet up, if you’re okay with that?”_

“Yeah, I’d love that. Thanks for calling, Crutch… How are you doing?”

_“I’m doing alright,”_ He says with a sigh. _“A bit stressed about some school stuff, but what else is new?”_

“School stuff? I didn’t know you were back in school.”

_“It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. I’m gettin’ my doctorate in Educational Psychology right now, so… yeah. I want to try the school counselor route. Jack was actually the one who pushed me to go back, so I kind of have to get my degree now. I don’t think he’d forgive me if I didn’t.”_

“Seems like you guys are still pretty close,” David mutters. His voice is tight, and the sentence truthfully comes out more bitter than he meant it. “How has he been recently?”

Charlie gives an awkward sort of chuckle, and from the rustling in the background, David can tell he’s messing with his hair. _“I mean, you know him… He’s the same ol’ Jack.”_

“Same old Jack, huh?”

_“Well- I mean… C’mon, Dave. It’s Jackie. He’s pretty much an open book… He’s changed a lot since high school, though, if that’s what you want to hear.”_

“I’m sorry, it’s just… I don’t know. Everything feels so… different. I mean, I saw Tony and Sean a bit ago, and I didn’t even know they were together. My own sister didn’t tell me that she’s with Kath. I… I didn’t mean to lose touch with everyone like this, and…”

_“...Davey, I know what you’re thinking. No one is upset with you, okay? Do you know how proud we were that you got into NYU? You did big things, Mouth. Big, big things! You lived your own life, and now, you’re back. Of course, we all wish it was under different circumstances… But you’re back, Dave. We’ve always kept you a spot in the group.”_

“I… Thank you, Charlie. That means a lot.”

_“Of course… Hey, if you want, I’ll add you to our groupchat. It isn’t that active, but we all try to see each other when we can.”_

“Do you…” David takes in a deep breath. “Maybe wait until… Until after the funeral. That way it’s not… not so much at once.”

_“That sounds like a better idea… You just tell me when, and I’ll get it done.”_

“Thank you.”

_“No sweat… Listen, I, uh- I gotta go, but I’ll talk to you really soon. I love ya, Dave.”_

“Love you too, Crutch. I’ll talk at you later.”

_“Buh-bye.”_

David drops his phone as the call ends, slumping down into the couch. In all honesty, his brain is swimming, swirling, churning with so many thoughts, and David doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to keep it together. Seeing Sean and Tony, and having that call with Charlie, reminded him of just how lonely he’d been throughout university and working in New York and, sure, he had a few friends up north, but they had never, ever reached the same level of comfort as David had had with the other boys.

The only one missing is… No. No, David isn’t going to think about that right now.

No, instead, David shuts the front door and retires to his room upstairs. He once again falls asleep- not out of boredom, but out of pure, unrestrained exhaustion. His dreams are full of images of his father, of his friends, of a life he yearns for but will never have again.

He gets about five hours of sleep, until the sound of a text wakes him up around midnight.

He reaches over to his bedside table with a groan, barely registering that he had somehow changed out of his jeans, and is now in just a pair of black sweats, lying shirtless in the room. He turns his phone on and rushes to turn the brightness all the way down, though he sits up when he sees the message.

**From: Jack**   
_are you awake ??_

David furrows his brows, confused. He sighs and replies anyway.

**To: Jack**   
_I am now. What’s up?_

**From: Jack**   
_i’m outside your house rn. come open up_

David stares at the text for a few long moments, before letting out a deep sigh and rubbing his forehead. He makes his way downstairs as quietly as he can, after putting on an old, white and red hoodie he still had in his closet from high school, crossing the living room and slowly unlatching the door to make sure he doesn’t wake anyone up. Once he’s able to open both doors, David steps out onto the porch, looking around for a moment. Jack’s truck is in the driveway, but he has no view of the man himself. At least, not until he turns and sees Jack on the porch swing, who is staring at David with a look of concern and sadness written all over his face.

Slowly, David takes a few steps closer, crossing his arms over his chest as the chill of the night air bites at his skin through the hoodie. “What are you doing here?”

Jack gulps and scoots over, patting the seat next to him on the porch swing. He doesn’t answer until David sits next to him. “I… I just heard ‘bout Mayer. About twenty minutes ago. I would’a come sooner, but I had some cows have trouble given’ birth today, and the vet has been at my place with me for hours, and my phone died earlier this afternoon, and--... And I’m real sorry I wasn’t here.”

“You… You didn’t need to be here, though,” David says softly, glancing over at Jack as he brings one knee to his chest, the other leg dangling off of the swing. “It isn’t your responsibility to check up on us.”

Jack thinks for a long, long moment, before he takes in a shaky breath. “I know, but I-... Dave, I spent thirteen years growin’ up in this house too, y’know. And I know that- that you just lost your dad, and I… I know how that feels, albeit under different circumstances, so I just wanted to- to be here for ya, I guess. And I’m sorry if I'm… too late.”

“Jackie, really, it’s alright… I had my big break this morning, but I--” David cuts himself off, blinking as Jack’s words finally hit him. He knows how it feels… “Jack… Is Daniel--”

“Your father has always been more of a dad to me than Daniel ever was,” Jack says softly, then sighs deeply as he runs a hand through his hair. “I’ll talk about it another time, just… Just c’mere,” Jack murmurs, raising an arm.

Slowly, David leans into Jack’s embrace.

He should have been fine. He should have been alright. Should have been stronger, should have been tougher, should have been okay.

But as soon as Jack wraps his arm around David… David breaks for the second time.

At first, he just feels a little misty-eyed. Then, it turns to slow tears and labored breaths, which soon turn to loud, heartwrenching, shoulder-shaking sobs that wrack through David’s entire body. He has his face buried against Jack’s chest now, and Jack is holding him, rubbing his back, whispering soft reassurances that he’s okay, that it’s okay, that he can let everything out.

David doesn’t realize until later, but Jack is crying now, too. Not outloud, but there are hot tears streaming down his face, and Jack almost feels guilty. David is the one who lost his father, so David should be the one crying… but Jack lost the only remaining father figure he has, save for some of the older guys at the co-op, but even then, they only ever talk business. But Mayer… Mayer had been the one who hung up Jack’s paintings in the house when no other adult cared about his interest in art. Mayer had been the one to let Jack stay in his classroom all day when he wasn’t feeling that well as a kid, or when his anxiety got the better of him as a teen. Mayer had been the one to teach Jack how to fish, how to hunt, how to drive a stick shift… and now he’s gone.

Jack can’t help the tears that fall, and David can’t help the emptiness he feels in his chest.

They sit there on that porch swing for an hour after they both calm down, talking quietly about anything and everything, and David feels like he can breathe- really breathe- for the first time all day. 

Looking up, the stars seem to shine a little brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAA I KNOW THIS IS A BIT OF A FILLER CHAPTER BUT I WANTED SOME INTERACTIONS WITH OLD FRIENDS !! i really liked writing thisssss


	5. home: where you hang your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David says goodbye again. At least he's not alone this time.

The week that follows Mayer’s death is undoubtedly the hardest that David has ever had to experience. He stays home, for the most part- he doesn’t go to work, but that’s okay, because he still has a large amount saved from his job in New York. Instead, he stays with his family. He stays for Sarah, who has been staying at the house all week despite having her own apartment in town. He stays for Les, who can’t bring himself to get out of bed and who barely eats anything.

He stays for Momma, who doesn’t smile, doesn’t talk, doesn’t register that David is even in her room for days, until it’s time to make the funeral arrangements. 

The funeral itself is fairly easy to plan. Mr. Jenkins is there every step of the way to help them, which David is grateful for, but he isn’t ready for the funeral to actually… happen. 

But it does.

It does, and it seems to be the popular place to be on that Friday morning. Practically everyone in town crowds into the funeral hall, with rows of people sitting down and even more standing along the sides of the hall, standing outside, standing in the back of the room. David remembers going to a few funerals in his early teenage years, and remembers how non-formal everything was. People wore different colors and wore boots and jeans and cowboy hats. Instead of a long, sad speech, there were usually some jokes and some stories mixed in. Funerals were usually a party, a celebration, and that had always been something that David was confused by.

If you asked him to describe Mayer’s funeral, however, he wouldn’t even be able to describe what he himself was wearing.

David doesn’t remember a single thing about the event. He doesn’t remember the stories that the Rabbi- an old friend of Esther’s- tells. Doesn’t remember who he was sitting between. Doesn’t remember anything about the room they’re in.

All David is certain of is his mother leaning against his side, and Jack’s hand on his shoulder from behind him.

***

He’s hugged by nearly every woman in the building, and has shaken the hand of every man trailing behind. There’s a certain finality to the scene that David can’t wrap his mind around, but he’s there. He’s there.

He’s there, and that’s all that counts.

Once everyone vacates the building, David, Les, Sarah and Momma all have a short talk with the Rabbi, but David isn’t tethered for it. He’s physically present, yes, but his head is swimming with thought after thought and he can barely focus. There’s about fifteen minutes before they leave, though- before they head to the burial site, before they actually have to say goodbye. As Les is swept into a conversation with some of his school friends and Esther gravitates toward some of their neighbors, though, Sarah and David disappear.

There are no words until they reach the back of the funeral home. David immediately collapses with his weight against the building, and Sarah, bless her, drops to sit with her back against the wall on the ground. Just like that, David is digging into the inside pocket of his blazer, bringing out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

He had been doing great. Hadn’t touched one in over a week, and before that, he could go nearly two without getting a craving, but now he was aching for it, itching for something to calm the nerves that shot under his skin. He’s quick about it, too; rushed in pulling a single smoke out of the pack and lighting it with no hesitation, taking a long, long drag as he shuts his eyes. He lets everything out in a single shaky exhale before finally looking down at Sarah. “Want one?” He asks, holding the lighter and the pack out in one hand, and she’s reaching for it before he even finishes the question.

They sit and smoke in silence for a few minutes, until they hear footsteps, but they don’t stop. They don’t even think anything of it, until Katherine rounds the corner, followed by Race, Spot, Charlie, Albert, and Jack.

The sight of the group has David rushing to put the cigarette out. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to talk- no, Sarah takes that job from him without hesitation. “What are you guys doin’ back here?” She asks as she stands, holding her arm out for Kath to slide into her embrace like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“We saw y’all come back this way,” Albert answers, and offers up a sad grin. He’s standing behind Charlie’s wheelchair, while Spot and Race stand next to them, hand in hand. Katherine is, of course, with Sarah.

Jack, however, stands toward the back of the group. David stares at him. Takes in his appearance. He looks nice; it’s the only time that David has ever seen Jack in a suit- a tailored suit at that- and though it does fit him well, David can see that Jack is highly uncomfortable. He has one hand in his pocket and the other keeps running through that long hair of his, and won’t meet David’s eyes.

Naturally, David takes a few steps forward and stands next to him, dragging in a deep breath as he looks over the rest of the group. “Thank you guys for coming,” He says simply, but there’s exhaustion heavy in his voice. The other boys nod.

“Uh-- We brought shovels, if that’s alright,” Spot chimes in, gulping hard as he glances toward the parking lot. “All’a us. If- if that’s alright with y’all. We know that’s a- a family thing for you guys, but...”

That’s another thing about living… here. There’s an old Jewish tradition that has been a part of every family funeral David has ever been to. He did it at his Bubbe’s funeral, he did it at his Zayde’s funeral, and they’ve already planned to do it at Mayer’s, but he’s also seen it done at other funerals throughout his lifetime. Whether the person was Southern Baptist or Atheistic, shoveling dirt into the grave after the casket has been lowered has been a staple at every town funeral David has ever attended. Mostly, it’s a job for the men in the family- brothers, sons, grandsons- but occasionally, community members that the deceased person was close to would join in.

It’s a beautiful way of honoring the dead, at least to David, and he makes an executive decision.

There’s a long pause as he takes a few steps back from the group, making eye contact with each person there, before giving a definitive nod. “My father saw each of you as his own children. Hell, sometimes, I thought he liked you guys better than he liked me,” He pauses as the boys and Katherine chuckle to themselves, “and I know how much… how much it would mean to him if you guys helped. That would make him happy,” He finishes in a whisper, looking over to Sarah, who nods in agreement as she tightens her grip around Katherine’s middle.

The sound of an engine starting signifies that it’s time to go. He watches as Sarah and Katherine walk hand in hand, and smiles as they giggle to themselves while dodging holes in the ground with their heels. He watches as Spot and Racer turn and head to their truck. He watches as Albert pushes Charlie’s chair over the bumps in the path back to the parking lot.

And he watches Jack stand motionless. Silent.

David takes in a deep breath, biting his lip. “Jackie?”

Jack looks up at him, looks straight into his eyes, and gulps. “Davey…”

The cords between them snap, and they both rush forward at the same time, meeting in a tight hug in the middle. They hold each other there for a long while, arms wrong tightly around each other in a cathartic, therapeutic embrace. When they pull away, they stare at each other for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes, and the tension is suffocating, but then David nods, gulps, and gestures for Jack to walk with him.

Not even five minutes later, Davey, Les, Sarah, and Esther are all in David’s car, following the hearse to the cemetery.

Once they get there, there’s more talking. Stories from the Rabbi, from Esther, from Mayer’s closest friend of nearly sixty years. The entire time, David has his arm around Les’s shoulders, while Sarah is held in Katherine’s embrace. David knows the boys are behind them, each holding a protective stance around the family. He doesn’t understand it. He expected all of them to hate him, to be pissed at him for moving across the country, to at least be awkward around him… but they all treat him as though he never left.

It’s almost disorienting, going from having no friends in New York to having his old group back home, but David isn’t going to complain about it.

David is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t register that it’s time to lower the casket until Les, rather roughly, nudges his ribs with an elbow. David straightens up with a start, staring straight ahead as the Rabbi spoke toward them.

“Dave,” Les whispers next to him, gulping hard. “Dave, it’s time.”

David nods. There are a few moments of still silence before David approaches the grave. His movements are slow, and he feels as though he’s trying to run through water, but he stands there, staring down at the casket for a few long moments. Without looking away, though, David reaches to the side and grabs the handle of a shovel.

He sticks the shovel in the pile of fresh dirt, looks up at the Rabbi, and nods. The Rabbi speaks- _“Al mekomo yavo veshalom”-_ and David delicately shovels the first pile of dirt into the grave.

David stands back, wiping his eyes with a closed fist as he watches Les come forward and take a shovel from the pile. And then Sarah approaches, simply kicking off her heels as she does so, taking her own shovel as Katherine follows her lead. David then looks back to the group- to his friends, to the boys he grew up with- and nods.

One by one, each of them come forward. Charlie comes first, taking a few slow, shaky steps toward the pile, and David offers an arm to keep him steady. Albert is next, coming to flank Charlie’s side. Race and Spot come together, just like always, standing next to each other with solemn expressions.

Jack is the last to step forward. Rather than come to stand next to the rest of the boys, however, he steps up to David’s side after grabbing his own shovel, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

David isn’t above admitting that he almost drops into the contact.

With a shaky sigh, David nods at Jack at his left and the others on his right.

They work in silence. Each of them, shoveling dirt into the grave. There are tears- Les is close to losing himself, and Sarah weeps with each movement- but they get it done. It takes a good, long while though, and by the end, there’s not a dry eye in the group. David has only ever seen Spot cry twice in their youth, but his tears are flowing now. Racer’s face is blotchy and red, while Albert and Charlie are both struggling to hold themselves together.

A look to his left tells David that Jack is shaking, trembling with the force of holding back his sobs.

As they finish, people begin leaving the cemetery. As they finish, David can’t bear to look at the fresh dirt among the green grass.

They’re all silent on their way to the parking lot. No one speaks- not until Esther takes in a deep, deep sigh as they walk out of the gates. “Boys, Katherine,” She starts, quietly, and the group turns to face her. There’s a sad, sad smile on her face, one that David himself doesn’t recognize. “I’d just like to… to thank y’all for coming today.”

“It was no problem, Momma,” Jack responds, glancing at the rest of the group before looking back at her. “You and Mayer practically raised us. This is the least we could do.”

“Nah,” Esther says with the shake of her head. “The least you all could do is come join us for supper. Come on, now, I ain’t been able to cook for y’all in a long while.”

There’s a hushed laugh that falls over the group, and nods all around.

This, of course, is how Jack, Charlie, Race, Spot, Albert, and Katherine end up at the Jacobs’ dining room table, heads tossed back in laughter while Esther cooks in the kitchen.

“And then Jackie said--”

“‘Ey,” Jack slaps Race’s shoulder, laughing as he leans over the table, looking at David right in his eyes. “Don’t listen to a word this asshole says. I didn’t say shit!”

Spot scoffs, knocking the back of Jack’s head with an elbow. “Racer’s tellin’ the truth, Davey. ‘Ol Jackie here called Snyder a ‘fuckin’ dick’ and wondered why he got kicked out’ta the bar!”

“You called Snyder a dick?! Damn, Jack,” David says with a chuckle as he leans back, crossing his arms. “What happened to that whole ‘Golden Boy’ thing you had going on in high school?”

“Now, I still have that,” Jack raises a brow. 

Albert snorts. “What you have is a mullet.”

“Alright, boys, that’s enough,” Esther says with a soft laugh, coming into the dining room with a grin. She places the food on the table as Spot stands up, heading into the kitchen to help. “Eat up.”

“It’s been too long, Momma Esther,” Charlie pipes up from the end of the table, grinning to himself as he takes a drink of his sweet tea. “Oh, how I’ve missed your cooking.”

“Oh, how I’ve missed you boys,” Esther responds, then thanks Spot, who sets another platter of food onto the table. “Y’all best start eating now, ‘fore everything gets cold. Go ahead, y’all.”

After she’s finished speaking, it’s a frenzy of hands across the table, grabbing for silverware and bowls and whatever else has been set out. And, sure, maybe the salad bowl gets knocked over and, yeah, there’s a narrow miss of a glass of lemonade that almost ends up on the floor, but this- this contained chaos, this joyful meal after a week of heartbreak- is worth the hell that comes with cleaning up. And it’s not like there’s much to clean, especially with everyone lining up to wash their own dishes, and with each of them taking on the job of making sure the dining room looks spotless.

Afterward, they all migrate to the living room. There are conversations happening all over- from David telling Al and Charlie what New York was like, to everyone harassing Racer and Spot about the colors of their wedding. It’s not at all calm, but this is exactly what David had been missing. This, being with his closest friends. This, being with his brothers.

They talk about high school. About college, and their respective majors- or, well, technical school for Jack, and Albert’s job with his uncle that he went to straight out of high school. There are stories flying left and right, and David can’t remember the last time he’s laughed this hard.

Eventually, though, people start heading out. It begins with Charlie, who needs to get back home to finish up some work for his classes. Albert leaves after that, mentioning something about having to run back by the car shop on his way home. Katherine and Sarah leave to go back to Sarah’s place, and Race and Spot head out to go check on their dog. Even Les leaves, taking his truck to the park to hang out with friends.

Once everyone else is gone, David is acutely aware that he and Jack are the only two left.

They’re outside now, sitting on the front porch steps. David is smoking again- just to calm the nerves, just to help with… everything going on, but he makes sure to sit in the direction of the wind so the smoke isn’t heading toward Jack.

They’re silent for a while, until Jack lets out a soft chuckle. “Y’know, those things aren't healthy for ya.”

“Neither is drinking at the age 16, but you didn’t have a problem with that,” David shoots back with a smirk, looking over at Jack. “But, I… I know. I’ve been better about it, believe it or not. I… I used to smoke, like, a pack every two days or so. This is my second one I’ve had in two weeks.”

“I’m proud of you,” Jack says softly, genuinely, as David snuffs out the cigarette on a rock next to the porch steps. “Like, really proud of you. For multiple reasons.”

“Yeah?” David asks as he lies back on the porch, looking up at the wood above them. “Why’s that?”

“Well, for starters, kickin’ the nicotine addiction--”

“--Says the one who literally could not function without a Monster Energy Drink in high school--”

“Shut up, Dave, I’m try’na be nice here,” Jack laughs to himself, then lies back as well. “Anyway, I’m proud of you for that, and for… Makin’ a name for yourself in your career. And for how well you're handlin’ all this shit.”

“I don’t remember anything that happened before 3 p.m. today, Jack,” Davis says softly, sadly, though he turns over and grins at him. “That’s not really handling anything well.”

“That ain’t true,” Jack frowns. “It’s just… trauma blocked.”

“Trauma blocked?”

“Yeah. Trauma blocked. It’’s, like, a defense mechanism that your brain gives ya. Charlie could tell ya the more technical terms for it, but… it blocks out a certain area of your memory that brings you pain. It’s why I don’t remember anything about eighth and ninth grade,” Jack admits with a nonchalant shrug. “It’s normal, and it’s alright. You’re doin’ good. Real good.”

David meets his eyes and gulps. A long silence stretches between them, before David abruptly sits up, shaking his head. “I just-- I don’t know. I feel like everything has fallen apart around me, Jack, and I--... I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to listen to this.”

“Davey, I’m here if ya need to talk, always,” Jack says softly, before letting out a sigh. “But, if you don’t wanna talk about it, then… tell me about New York.”

David blinks, glancing over at Jack. “Huh?”

“Tell me about New York,” Jack repeats, sitting up and nudging David’s shoulder. 

David thinks for a long, long time. He shrugs and looks at Jack, taking in a deep breath. “You would love it,” He starts, letting out a dreamy sigh. “You’d love it. It’s unreal. I promise. It’s- it’s not great, a lot of the time, but… God, Jackie, the art museums alone would make you want to live there. There’s just- just a huge sense of community, but it’s…” He trails off, looking down at his hands. “It’s not home. It’s… lonely. I didn’t really have many, uh, friends. I lived alone. I stuck to myself in university. It was… rough.”

Jack takes in a deep breath and wraps an arm around David’s shoulder. He leans closer, tilting his head. “Well… I’m glad you’re back home. I… I missed you, Dave. A lot.”

David turns and looks into his eyes. They’re only a few inches from each other, and something in David’s chest makes him want to lean in, want to kiss Jack, want to pour nearly twenty years of wanting him into a single kiss… But that’s crazy. Jack is straight, and David has been gone for far too long. However, although he thinks it may be a trick of his eyes, David swears he sees Jack’s gaze drop to his lips.

Just then, though, Jack stands up. “Okay. C’mon, let’s go.”

“What?" David asks, raising a brow. "Where are we going?"

"You trust me, right?" Jack asks as he jogs down the steps, then twirls to look back at David with a cheeky grin.

The scene makes David laugh, a soft noise that accompanies a blush rising to his cheeks. "I don't know if I'd say that," He teases, but slowly stands regardless.

Jack just shrugs him off and runs to his truck, watching David follow as he smiles wide. "Just get in the truck. I know a place. Let me take care of ya, Dave."

David hates to admit it, but his heart skips a beat as he climbs into the passenger’s side of the truck. At least he knows that Jack knows what he's doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im in love with all the boys btw. love them sm


	6. home: wherever i am with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David and Jack spend some well-deserved time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: past abuse, homophobia

Unsurprisingly, a country station plays on low volume once they’re on the highway.

David feels as though he’s been taken right out of high school. Riding in the passenger’s seat of Jack’s truck had been a constant. David had a car, even in high school, but he rarely drove it because he was always with Jack. Always. Jack picked him up on the way to school, Jack would take him home afterward- even after they spend all evening driving around, going nowhere, and Jack was the one who would drive him down backroads and into the vast nothingness when David was feeling particularly stressed.

Some of David’s fondest- and most heartbreaking- memories came from being in this same Dodge Dakota. He had been in this truck on the many, many nights when he and Jack made their late night runs to Sonic just because they had nothing better to do. He had been in this truck when he joined Jack, Sarah, and Katherine on an hour drive just to go to a drive-in theater one boring Saturday night. He had been in this truck when he got the email stating that he had been accepted into NYU, and had cried and laughed and pretty much had a breakdown right there in the passenger’s seat… but Jack had been there to help him.

And Jack is doing the same thing now. Helping him. Giving him a much needed break from the world. 

He watches as Jack reaches over and carefully turns the volume dial up as a song that David doesn’t know starts playing. It must have been fairly new, but, then again, David hasn’t legitimately listened to country music in nearly a decade. He glances over at Jack, watches how he mouths along with the lyrics, and the thought makes David chuckle.

At the sound of his laugh, Jack grins, shooting a quick look over to David. “What’s so funny?”

“You,” David answers, shaking his head. “I don’t know. It just reminded me of the Britney Spears incident.”

“Okay, well, first of all, that CD was _Katherine’s,_ not mine,” Jack clarifies with a laugh. “And, secondly, who doesn’t know all of the lyrics to Toxic?”

“It wasn’t just Toxic. You knew all of the lyrics to every song and you sang along the _entire_ way to the city--”

“You say that like you weren't singin’ along too!” Jack huffs dramatically, but there's a smile on his face. It’s soft and genuine, and his lips curl up just a little, and, fuck, David has never seen a prettier sight.

“I’m not one to reinforce stereotypes,” David starts, snickering, “but I just didn’t expect a straight guy to know all of the lyrics to, like, every song. It’s different for me. You saw how flamboyant I was in high school--”

“Oh, yeah, ‘cause you _definitely_ aren’t flamboyant now.”

“Shut up,” David groans, slapping Jack’s shoulder. “Anyway, I mean, I just never expected it. You can’t tell me you don’t see how aggressively heterosexual you are.”

There’s a pause.

A silence that stretches for just a moment too long.

Jack’s fingers tighten on the wheel and he takes in a deep breath. There’s a tension in the air now- one that wasn;t there just a second ago- and it’s suffocating. David watches with bated breath as Jack opens his mouth to speak, closes it, and reopens just to say: “That’s where you’re wrong.”

Before David can ask for clarification, though, Jack takes a sudden left turn onto a familiar dirt road, one that leads them straight to the lake. Not to the dock, no, but to their spot. The one with the ledge and the trees and that old tire swing they put up as kids. David gulps, excitement building in his chest, but then he looks over at Jack and sees that, well, Jack looks like he’s dreading any further interaction.

So, David stays silent. They both do. The radio and the sound of tires on rough ground are the only things saving them from an awkward, uncomfortable stretch of time. Jack slows the car down about three minutes later, though, and parks it with a deep sigh.

He’s the first to get out, but David follows his lead. Jack walks back behind the truck steps onto the bumper, expertly swinging himself over the tailgate until he’s standing in the bed of the truck. He reaches out for David and pulls him in, too, each settling into a different corner, facing each other. Jack, surprisingly, keeps himself small, keeps himself contained. Back in high school, Jack would have been sprawled out with his legs spread wide, and David would have done the same until they were pretty much tangled together, and they would sit and talk for hours on end… But now, Jack just looks… different.

David is the one to breach the silence. “What was I wrong about?”

“What?” Jack asks, looking up to make eye contact with David.

“What was I wrong about?” David repeats, tilting his head. “When I said you were… aggressively heterosexual. What part was I wrong about?”

Jack stares at him for a moment. He then glances away, shrugs, and takes a deep breath. “The heterosexual part.”

See, that’s what David had been thinking, but he had no idea that Jack was _serious._

Jack had always been, well, the blueprint for the straight country boy. He wore boots and Realtree merchandise, he went hunting and fishing before school sometimes, he worked on a farm, he only ever showed interest in women, and, hell, when David came out… When David told Jack he was gay, Jack didn’t talk to him for days.

And now… “You- You aren’t straight?”

“Well, you don’t gotta say it like that,” Jack shot him a look, but he leans back and nods. “I… I’m bi. Bisexual. It, uh, isn’t a recent thing, either, but I… I ain’t told anyone else, s-so…”

Oh.

_Oh._

David takes in a deep breath, then blinks, and finally nods to himself. “Okay. I-- Wow, okay. Not even Sean and Tony?” He asks, then bites his lip as Jack nods. “I-- Holy shit, man, I’m… I’m really glad you told me. And glad that you trusted me enough to tell me. I won’t tell anyone,” David promises in a soft voice, then slowly scoots closer until their knees are touching. “Do you… Do you want to talk about it?”

Jack shrugs, and runs a hand through his hair. “There’s nothin’ to talk about, is there?”

“Well, I-- I’m just… why… Why haven’t you told anyone? Especially me, Sean, or Tony?” David asks, though he soon shakes his head. “Nevermind, sorry, that-- You don’t have to explain it. I’m really happy for you, Jack,” He finishes with a soft smile.

He has questions. So many questions.

And, apparently, Jack can tell, because he takes in a deep breath and turns to face David, resting his hands in his lap. “Y’know how, uh, I stopped havin’ you guys over to my place? You, Tony, and Sean?”

“Yeah,” David replies slowly, biting his bottom lip. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Well, it was… It was ‘cause of my dad. He could tell y’all weren’t straight, I guess, ‘cause he said y’all weren’t allowed over anymore, but- but it was before y’all came out. And, well, I didn’t believe him, y’know? He… He had raised me to believe that it’s wrong. That y’all bein’ gay is wrong. And, well, you guys were my friends, and I didn’t wanna believe that y’all weren’t… straight,” Jack admits, and David can see that his hands are trembling now. “It’s why I didn’t talk to you for a bit when you told me you were gay, ‘cause he told me it was wrong and, uh, I just- I needed to… to process it. ‘Cause I didn’t wanna lose you as a friend, but, back then, I just…”

“You were just trying to follow what your dad had told you,” David finishes for him, and frowns as Jack nods. “What changed your mind about it?”

“You did,” Jack answers with full sincerity, looking into David’s eyes. “You changed my mind about it. My dad, he always said that the gays were horrible people and that they didn’t deserve, y’know, rights, or… general happiness,” He says with a soft chuckle, then quiets as he gets this faraway look in his eyes that David barely recognizes. “But you… You weren’t like that. You weren’t a bad person. You didn’t deserve bad things. Nothing changed about you. You were still my best friend… and, well, that’s… That’s when I realized that my dad had just taught me the wrong shit.”

“Jackie…” David gulps, then moves to sit right next to Jack’s side. He wraps an arm around his shoulders, and Jack immediately leans in, resting his head on David’s chest, all while staring up at the stars. “Was- Was he upset that you kept hanging around me? Is that why he didn’t like me?”

“...Can I talk about somethin’ kinda- kinda rough?” Jack asks in a small voice. “I know- I know you’ve been through a lot lately, and I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” David murmurs, running his hand through Jack’s hair. “You’ve been here for me so much the past few weeks, Jack. Let me return the favor.”

Jack nods, and he’s silent for a few moments before he lets out a deep sigh. “This is gonna be a lot, so… just bear with me. I ain’t- I ain’t told anyone any’a this, so… okay,” Jack bites his lip, and as David glances down, he sees Jack doing that- that shaky thing with his wrist, the way he used to do when he got overwhelmed in school.

Subconsciously, David tightens his hold on Jack.

“I- Okay,” Jack whispers, mainly to himself, before closing his eyes. “My dad… My dad didn’t like the fact that I was still gonna hang out with you after you came out. He said some things about you, Dave, bad things, and I-- I lost it,” Jack shakes his head. “I was just… so pissed, and I started yellin’ at him and tellin’ him that there was nothin’ wrong with you, and he… slapped me.”

David took in a deep breath, his hand instinctively grabbing Jack’s hand, and Jack grips it, biting his lip.

He takes in a shaky breath before continuing. “He got, uh, worse after that. Violent, but I was too scared to tell anyone. All those bruises y’all saw weren’t from the farm-- well, okay, actually, some of ‘em were, ‘cause I’ve never been too good at coordination, but… but most of ‘em were from him. He thought that, uh, hangin’ with you would make me gay, I guess, and he didn’t want me doing anything that wasn’t hypermasculine, so if he caught me doin’ somethin’, he’d try to ‘beat the queer out of me,’” Jack finishes in an uneven whisper, then lets out a tight, bitter laugh. “I-I guess he didn’t do it hard enough.”

David gulps hard. He doesn’t even know what to say. He had always seen the bruises back then, but Jack was so convincing in his farm accident stories- not to mention that David had seen him fall over a gate or run into a tractor more times than he could count. But his friend, his best friend, had been suffering and putting up with so much shit, and David… never noticed. “Jack, I… I am so, so sorry…”

“It ain’t your fault my dad was a dick,” Jack frowns, then looks up into David’s eyes. “At least I don’t hafta deal with him anymore. He’s long gone.”

“Died?”

“Mhm. Got too fuckin’ drunk and hit another car on the freeway,” Jack mutters. “Serves ‘im right. I didn’t even go to the funeral.”

“Fuck, Jack,” David whispers, looking away, before shaking his head. “You- You could have told me, or Momma and Dad, or--”

“I didn’t wanna be a burden, Dave,” Jack sighs. “And I know, I know, I wouldn’t have been one, but… but back then? Your parents did so much for me just by existin’, and I didn’t… I didn’t wanna feel like I was usin’ ‘em.”

“And you… you haven’t told anyone this?” David rubs Jack’s back, and bitees his lip. “I’m so sorry you had to deal with all of that alone… You didn’t deserve any of that. At all. You… Jack, you’re the best guy I know. You didn’t… You deserved so much better, Jackie. I’m just… I’m glad you get to live how you want to now.”

“Me too,” Jack whispers. “It’s why I, uh, kind of broke down about Mayer, y’know? Your dad was better than Daniel ever would’a been, and I know I said that before, but I- I meant it. I really, really did. Your family is probably the only reason I’m still here.”

That one sentence is what breaks David’s resolve. Without meaning to, he pulls Jack even closer, hugging him from behind and resting his chin on Jack’s shoulder. Jack relaxes into his hold, though he soon tenses, and before David can ask what’s wrong, Jack is turning in his embrace. The angle is a little awkward, and Jack is kind of- kind of- on top of David, but at least this way they can actually hug.

David almost kisses him then, too, saved only by the alarms in his head that remind him that he and Jack are, in fact, just friends.

Still, David holds him for as long as he needs. He doesn’t mind, either- hell, after the week that David has had, he’s as grateful for the hug as Jack is. The cathartic feeling of Jack in his arms helps calm his nerves, even if just for a little while. 

They sit there for nearly five minutes before Jack slowly pulls back, looking down into David’s eyes. There’s a moment, David thinks, when Jack’s gaze drops to his lips, but then Jack is moving back and climbing off of David’s lap. “I-- Uh, heh, sorry about that.”

“Oh- no, no, it’s- it’s all good, I promise. I liked it,” David assures him, before his eyes widen. “I mean-- I didn’t mind it, not-- I-- Fuck,” He covers his face for a moment, before looking back up at Jack. 

Jack, to his credit, doesn’t look weirded out- no, in fact, he has this cute little grin on his face, and his cheeks look a little darker than usual, and his nose is all scrunched up.

Fuck, Jack is gorgeous.

David’s breath hitches, but he laughs it off and moves, sitting on the tailgate with his legs dangling off. “Jack? Thank you for bringing me out here. I really needed this.”

“I should be the one thankin’ you,” Jack chuckles as he comes closer, sitting next to David- but he keeps a distance between them. “But, you’re welcome, Dave. If you ever need anything, I’m right here for you, okay?”

“Okay,” David nods, then looks over at Jack’s face, swinging his feet. He then lies down with his back on the bed of the truck, staring up at the stars. “And I’m here for you, too. I’m not going anywhere for a long time.”

“Good,” Jack grunts as he lies back as well, “I’d miss ya too much.”

“For sure?”

“For sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOOW A CHAPTER ACTUALLY DEDICATED TO JAVID !! WHAT !!!


	7. home: where one starts from

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David gets something off of his chest.

They stay there at the lake for a long while. Conversation is shallow, mainly just talking about people in town and remembering high school gossip, but it’s fun, and it’s freeing, and it’s exactly what David’s needed for a long time. No talk of Mayer, no talk of the life he left, just easy conversation that serves no purpose other than getting closer to Jack.

He’s realized that so much of his life- even currently- is based around the man. Back in high school, which seems like so long ago, David was pretty much just Jack’s number two in every situation. If Jack was somewhere, there was a good chance that David was with him. They crafted their class schedules around each other, and were always together- even if it meant that David had to sneak onto the farm just to talk to Jack while he worked with his cattle, or while he was doing maintenance in the barn. Even now, these meetings, these conversations, are just enough to keep David going. He feels drawn to Jack, feels complete for the first time in a long time, and it’s… scary, the kind of hold that Jack has on him, seemingly unnoticed by the man himself.

But, to be honest, David wouldn’t have it any other way.

When they finally leave, around midnight that night, David feels good. Genuinely good. It’s an odd feeling, one he doesn’t experience ofen, but it’s nice. He could get used to this.

He feels even better when he gets to listen to Jack loudly singing along to some stereotypical country song on the radio, flying down the backroads like he was made just for this moment. And David laughs, because he’s so high on Jack Kelly, Jack’s energy, Jack’s happiness.

Leaving the truck when he gets home is harder than David wants it to be. He does get out, though, and they say goodbye. David walks back to the porch as Jack drives away and tries to ignore the ache in his chest.

Logistically, he has a chance. Jack admitted that he was bi, so of course David could ask him out… but wouldn’t that be a dick move? Jack just came out to him, and hasn’t even told anyone else. David feels like that would be too disorienting for Jack to come to terms with right now. Right? Besides, just because Jack likes guys doesn’t mean that he would like David like that. Maybe he isn’t Jack’s type. Maybe something like this could ruin their friendship.

Maybe David needs to get over Jack, despite having loved him in high school.

Despite being in love with him now.

Because, he is, isn’t he? He’s in love with him; however, David isn’t the best with love. He’s never been in a long term relationship, just because they always feel... wrong. Sure, he’s been on plenty of dates, and he’s had more than his fair share of hookups and one night stands- he was a gay man in New York City, for crying out loud- but he’s never had anything more substantial than that.

He just doesn’t expect to realize that _Jack_ is the catalyst to his lack of romantic intimacy, but, fuck, it makes sense. Throughout every hookup, every date, every curious flirt, Jack has always been in the back of David’s mind. He’s wondered what Jack would be like in bed. He’s wondered how it would feel to hold his hand. He’s wondered what it would be like to kiss him under all of the lights in Times Square.

David knows, though, that what he’s wondering is just a pipe dream.

With a sigh, David rubs his eyes and rolls over onto his side. He’s asleep not even ten minutes later, dreaming of a certain brown skinned man with wavy hair and an accent to die for.

***

These dreams continue on through the week.

It seems as though they start becoming more and more real as the nights go on. In one dream, David can make out an entire floor plan for an apartment that he isn’t living in, and sees Jack as well, sharing _their_ space. In another, they’re in a car, and David can remember nothing but how angelic Jack looks from the side.

David is in too deep, but there’s no way in hell he’s going to stop seeing Jack.

It’s Friday afternoon when David finally sees Jack again. They’ve had a few phone calls since they went to the lake, and text quite frequently, but it’s the first time David has seen him in the flesh in about a week. 

He sees Jack while walking out of the co-op, while he's carrying a bag of chicken scratch on his shoulder. Jack is across the parking lot, loading a few large bags of feed into the bed of his truck, and David watches, mesmerized. He knew that Jack was strong- there’s no denying that fact- but that tight shirt he’s wearing leaves little to the imagination and his arms flex when he picks up the bags and oh, shit, David needs to leave. He hurries to his car and pops the trunk, dropping the bag inside, and he almost gets to the driver’s side door before a voice stops him.

“Davey!” Jack calls, steadily jogging over toward David. “Hey, uh-- Sorry, I was actually just ‘boutta call ya, but… Well, you’re here now,” He laughs nervously, which is… strange.

David doesn’t remember the last time he saw Jack look nervous.

“Yeah, I’m here,” David replies with a grin of his own. “What’s up?”

Jack shrugs, an easy movement, as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “Well, uh,” He starts, then rubs the back of his neck. “I was jus’ wonderin’ if you wanted to come over tonight? Have some dinner?”

“By ‘dinner,’ do you mean cooking or Sonic?” David asks with a knowing look.

“Okay, fuck you, nevermind,” Jack huffs, but he smiles wide as the comment makes David laugh. “I’m serious! I know how to cook, Dave. Let me prove it to ya, huh? Please?”

“I don’t know--”

“Please? Davey, please? Please, please, please, plea--”

“Fuck, okay, yeah, I’ll come over,” David cuts him off. “I don’t know why I put up with you. I hate you so much, you know.”

“Aww, I love you, too,” Jack teases, before taking a few steps back, pointing to David as he does so. “I’ll be seein’ you tonight at 6 o’clock sharp. Got it?”

“Got it,” David repeats. He stands there, watching with a dumbstruck smile as Jack turns and jogs back to his truck. He waits until Jack climbs in, then slips into his own vehicle, gripping the steering wheel tight. Excitement rises in his chest at the thought of going back to Jack’s place, back to the farm, back to his childhood, but the feeling is soon replaced with dread when he realizes just what this means.

Another night alone with Jack, with no barriers and no warning signs.

What has he gotten himself into?

Regardless of his current crisis, David hurries home. Once there, he’s quick to take the chicken scratch to the shed, hurrying into the house immediately after while letting out a loud huff while running his hands through his hair.

Once inside, however, he notices Sarah and Katherine watching him from the couch. Katherine is looking at him with a confused expression, while Sarah smirks. “Oh, Davey has a crush on someone,” She says, nudging Katherine’s shoulder. “Look at him. He’s so flustered.”

“I bet I know who it is, too,” Katherine replies with a grin, and quickly nods toward the armchair next to the couch. “Spill, Davey. What’s got you so frazzled?”

“You both have to promise not to tell anyone,” David prefaces, though he makes no move to walk to the chair. “Promise right now.”

“I promise,” They both say on cue.

David considers this for a moment, before taking a deep breath. “Okay, so, I’ve kind of been in love with Jack since freshman year and I was definitely going to confess and ask him to junior prom until, uh, he asked you--” He glances at Katherine-- “and I was so happy for you guys and I didn’t want to ruin anything so I kept my mouth shut and I may or may not have moved to New York to avoid my feelings for him but they never left and I spent ten years being _miserable_ because no one I met made me feel the way I felt about Jack and I kept comparing him to guys I hooked up with and--” He pauses, just to take a breath, “and I kept thinking about him any time someone wanted to go on a date with me or anything and now that I’m back home, those feelings came back and I’m kind of freaking out because he’s my best friend and I can’t just avoid him but I _also_ can’t confess that I still like him because that’s weird and childish and it’s been ten _fucking_ years since I even left and I thought all of this would be over by and long story short I’m having dinner with him at his place tonight and I’m going to fuck it up!”

Silence, aside from David trying to catch his breath.

And then:

“...Wow.”

David hides his face behind his hands, taking in a deep breath. “I know, Sarah, I know, I just-- Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck--”

“Dee, please calm down,” Sarah sighs, then stands and walks closer. “I know this is stressful for you, but you gotta calm down, okay? Just a little bit. Deep brea--”

“Sar, it’s boy trouble, not a panic attack,” Katherine says from behind her. She gives Sarah a look- one indecipherable by David- but Sarah sits back down. Katherine takes her place in front of David. “Davey, I love you, but I promise you, you’re working yourself up over nothing. Look, hun, I dated Jack for two years, and… And I think you have more of a chance than you think you do. Now, I’m not one for assuming anyone’s sexuality, but I really don’t think he’s straight. Besides,” Katherine reaches up, gently cupping Davey’s cheek, “I was still with him when you left for New York, Dave. He was devastated when you left, and… I don’t think it was anything platonic. He was heartbroken. I could see it.”

David furrows his brows, shaking his head. “But… No, you-- I don’t understand.”

“Did I ever tell you why we broke up?” Katherine asks, guiding David to the couch. She watches him, sees him shake his head, and continues. “I broke up with him because I could tell he wasn’t happy with me anymore. I mean, it didn’t help that I was still figuring out my own sexuality back then, but he was so… closed off, and he wasn’t like that before you left. And, I’ve never told anyone this before, but- but he had a sketchbook, one he kept hidden under his bed. Full of drawings of you.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“David Jacobs, I have never once lied to you,” Katherine says seriously, and David bites his lip. “I know this is a lot to take in, but all I’m saying is… just- just go for it. Okay? Go for it. Ask him out. The worst he can say is no, Dave, and you know he’d never be upset about something like that.”

“How do you feel about this?” David asks nervously, and gulps hard. “I mean… I just- I just admitted that I was in love with your ex, while you were with him.”

“It’s not like you convinced Jack to cheat on me or anything,” Katherine shakes her head. “Besides, Davey, it was ten years ago. I… I was a little upset with Jack back then, just because he wouldn’t tell me, but you two are still two of the best friends I’ve ever had, okay? And I think you would be good for each other. Really good. I just want you both to be happy,” She finishes, and gently presses a kiss to David’s forehead.

David wraps his arms around her, letting out a deep breath. “Thank you, Katie.”

“No problem, Dee,” She murmurs, rubbing his back before pulling away. “You said your date--”

_“--Not a date--”_

“--is tonight, right?” Katherine smiles, then glances back at Sarah. “Let us help you get ready! Please? I can do your hair and makeup and Sarah can get your outfit!”

“Uh,” David deadpans, gulping, “I only wear makeup to clubs and drag shows, and I never do anything with my hair.”

“You go to _clubs?”_

“I had a few dates with a male stripper,” David says nonchalantly as he stands, walking toward the staircase. “Like I said, no hair or makeup, but you two can come up and help me with an outfit.”

It takes nearly three hours for him to get ready.

Sure, most of those three hours were spent lying on David’s bed, talking about life and work and the latest memes, but within those conversations, David had been fully transformed into a sophisticated-yet-casual-yet-hot version of himself. Nothing had been done to the hair, and no makeup had been put on the face, but as David looks into the mirror when they’re finished, he still feels… great.

He hates to admit it, but his sister unfortunately has good fashion sense.

David also hates to admit the fact that he’s definitely checking himself out. He’s never considered himself to be jaw-droppingly attractive, and he wouldn’t say he’s necessarily bad looking, but right now? Right now, David feels good. Really good. Sarah has found an old black turtleneck in his closet- one that’s a bit tight, showing off the contours of his torso. She’s paired it with a pair of brown trousers with a plaid print, cinched at the waist with a nice belt and tapered at the ankle. Of course, David wears his docs with the outfit- which garner Sarah’s surprising approval.

Slowly, David turns around, gesturing to himself with an unsure look. “So, uh, what do you--”

“If you weren’t gay, I’d have sex with you,” Katherine says nonchalantly, then gasps as Sarah teasingly slaps her shoulder. “Ow, babe! What was that for?”

“You just said you would want to fuck my brother!”

“But I didn’t mean it like that,” Katherine frowns, but leans into Sarah nonetheless. “Seriously, though, you look hot. Jack is going to love it.”

“Are you sure?” David asks, looking down at himself. “It doesn’t, um, look like something he would be into. I should just wear jeans--”

“No, no, no! No jeans,” Sarah chimes in, raising a brow. “Jack is gonna love it, Dee, stop worrying.”

“I-- Okay. Okay, yeah, it’s good,” David concedes, looking at himself one more time in the mirror. He then glances at his watch, his eyes widening. “Oh, shit-- I gotta go,” David says quickly, scrambling to grab his phone and his keys. “Thank you both for the help, I love you guys, I’ll update you--”

“Sounds a lot like a date.”

“It’s not a date!” David yells over his shoulder as he races down the stairs and out to his car.

He makes it to Jack’s house in twelve minutes, which is funny, because it usually takes him closer to twenty; but, hey, at least he’s on time. He does still hurry up the front steps, though, stopping only when he realizes that the door is… different.

The entire porch is different.

It’s wider than it once was. The rotting wood had been replaced and painted a cool gray, matching the exterior of the house- and even that’s different. It used to be white, and the paint used to be chipped.

Slowly, David raises a fist to knock on the door, and smiles to himself when he hears something clang inside. There’s a distinct cursing that follows, as well as a deep groan- but before David has time to be confused, Jack opens the door. “Davey! Hi!”

“Hi,” David says with a laugh at Jack’s enthusiasm. “I didn’t, um, bring anything, sorry.”

“Nah, don’t be sorry,” Jack grins. “I have it all… covered…” He says slowly, and David can feel Jack’s eyes sweeping over him. “You-- Uh, you look real nice. Really-- Yeah… Shit, uh, come on in,” He quickly backs up, opening the door wider.

David feels his cheeks heating up as he walks in. He turns back to smile at Jack, suddenly struck by just how… Different, he looks. For starters, he’s wearing black skinny jeans- an item of clothing that David has never seen him in- and he has on a white t-shirt and black Vans on with them. His jeans are cuffed, David notes. With all of that, he has on an unbuttoned denim print shirt on as well, sleeves rolled up to his forearms.

David clears his throat and nods. “You-- Uh, you look good too, just… for the record.” With that, he glances away, and he’s glad he does so. The house… It looks so different. It’s clean, for one. Daniel had never been the cleanest person, and there was rarely a time when there would be no beer bottles in plain sight back when David came over as a child. The house itself is lighter, too, with off-white walls and bigger windows. The carpet has been replaced with hardwood flooring. “You… Wow, you’ve really fixed this place up.”

“I ain’t done with it,” Jack says softly, shrugging as he closes the front door. “It’s been… an ongoing process, trust me.”

“Well, it looks great,” David smiles at him, holding his hands behind his back. “If you need any help with it, let me know, yeah?”

“You got it,” Jack laughs. He walks to the kitchen, gesturing for David to have a seat in the adjacent dining room. “Food’ll be ready in a minute. You want anything to drink? I got lemonade, sweet tea, water--”

“Sweet tea would be great,” David assures him, though he doesn’t sit down. Instead, he stands at the edge of the counter, watching Jack navigate the kitchen with a smile.

Jack shakes his head as he grabs a glass from the cabinet, filling it with ice and sweet tea- homemade- from the fridge. “You surprise me, Jacobs. I thought for sure that New York would’a changed your sweet tea addiction.”

“It isn’t an addiction,” David protests as he takes the glass from Jack, “I just… really like your sweet tea. You make it really well.”

Jack grins. “Glad to know ya missed me.”

“More than you know.”

There’s a silence that hangs heavy in the air after David’s response, but the tension that crackles between them as they make eye contact is even heavier. Jack gulps, hard, but David doesn’t back down- not until Jack is the first to look away, saved only by the timer on the oven going off. “Well, uh-- Heh, can you grab the plates?”

David nods, searching through the cabinets for two plates as Jack prepares the food- a recipe that David doesn’t recognize, but it looks great regardless. Jack takes the food to the table and grabs some silverware when he’s done, watching as Davey carries the plates and napkins back to the dining room. Once they’re both seated, Jack takes a deep breath and looks at David. There’s a question dancing in his eyes, but all he says is, “Let’s eat, shall we?”

David knows this will be a long dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEEEE I LOVE KATH AND SARAH SM


	8. home: not sure where 'home' is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner turns to disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> -references to sex  
> -homophobic language/slurs  
> -homophobic violence  
> -minor injuries  
> -references to past abuse

“Sooo, how’s your love life been?”

The question catches David off guard.

He looks up from his plate, laughing, but there’s a moment when something clicks and his eyes widen a bit more than they should have. “Oh-- You’re serious?”

Jack tilts his head, a bored expression on his face. “Oh, not at all. It’s not like I wanna know all of the juicy details of my best friend’s life in New York or anything.”

“Okay, ha-ha, very funny,” David rolls his eyes. He should have expected this, really. They’ve been eating in relative silence for about five minutes now, save for light conversation about the fact that Jack learned how to actually cook while David was gone, so, yeah, David should have known something was coming. Regardless, he takes a long drink of his sweet tea. “For the record, my ‘love life’ hasn’t been anything to write home about.”

Jack raises a brow, then smirks. He takes a long, deliberate drink of his lemonade while he leans back in his seat. “That’s surprisin’ to hear. How so?”

“You really want to hear about my relationship status?”

“You tell me.”

“Fine,” David nods, leaning forward with his elbows on the table. He hangs his head as he thinks, tries to piece together a timeline, and soon looks back across the table at Jack. There’s a look in Jack’s eyes that David can’t quite make out. Slowly, David leans back and straightens his posture, smirking at Jack. “Well, for starters, I moved to New York City as a gay virgin with little-to-no life experience.”

“I’m gonna make the safe assumption that you ain’t that anymore,” Jack grins, raising a brow as he crosses his arms.

“Bingo,” David nods, shrugging nonchalantly. “Within a month of me living up there I’d been with, uh, probably three or four guys.”

“Jesus,” Jack shakes his head. “So, you moved and got busy? I’m proud of ya, Jacobs.”

“Aw, thank you. I’ve always wanted someone to be proud of me for being a slut.”

“Shut the hell up. I hate you.”

“You asked for it, Kelly,” David says with a chuckle, then sighs. “Anyway, that kind of… set everything up, y’know? Safe, consensual sex was, like, the first opening I had to the real world outside of… here. I mean, you don’t find that a lot as a gay guy in this town. Back then, I only knew of Race and Spot, and I wouldn’t fuck them.”

“You wouldn’t?”

“Would _you?”_

“Fair point,” Jack laughs, shaking his head. He then takes in a breath- a deep one, one that makes his chest rise a little higher. “I mean… I get what you mean. I didn’t, y'know, _really_ realize that I was bi ‘til a new guy showed up in town. What’s the point, y’know? I already knew all of the guys in town, and I didn’t plan on gettin’ with any of ‘em, so…”

David tilts his head. “A new guy? Tell me.”

“His name was Christopher,” Jack starts, then leans forward a bit. “He was a student teacher. Got assigned to come to the high school in town, but he didn’t have anywhere to stay, ‘sides the motel, and I heard ‘im talk about it in line at the grocery store. We struck up a conversation, I offered him the guest bedroom here, and… He stayed here for four months. Helped me do some renovations.”

“And you two were together?”

“No, not together,” Jack shakes his head, “just… Wha’dya call it?... Oh- Friends with benefits. If either of us had a bad day, we just… yeah.”

“Damn,” David murmurs, nodding his head. “Damn, Jackie. You were fucking a guy for four months and didn’t even think to call me?”

Jack is silent for a few moments. He takes another drink, considering something, before placing down the glass with a sigh. “Who said anything about _me_ fuckin’ _him?”_

David furrows his eyebrows, confused, until his eyes widen. “You-- Oh- sorry, I just-- I don’t know, I was picturing a younger guy--”

“He was 6’5, retired military, jacked as _hell._ Went back to school after retiring. I think he was in his early forties, but he sure didn't act like it.”

“Jack! Holy shit!”

It’s then that Jack laughs- a high giggle, almost, which makes David smile wide and laugh along. The laughter dies down, though when they make eye contact, everything bubbles up even harder until David is wiping his eyes and Jack has his forehead pressed against the table. It isn’t even funny, but David has missed this. He’s missed being able to laugh like this, laugh until his stomach hurts, laugh until they’re both wheezing and every look at each other makes another fit high in their chests.

Jack suddenly stands, taking their finished plates to the kitchen- likely in an effort to calm himself down, because David can still see his shoulders shaking and can still hear him snickering to himself from the dining room. When Jack returns, he leans against the wall for a few moments, just grinning at the floor, before he looks at David and tilts his head. “Wanna go to Medda’s?”

With no hesitation, David says, “Hell yes.”

That’s where they find themselves not even twenty minutes later. A bar on the outskirts of town, called The Bowery, which is run by none other than Medda Larkin. Jack and David have always been favorites of Medda’s, especially since they used to help her a lot during the summer months. Petty jobs, like mowing the grass or helping her paint her house, just for a bit of cash. David had seen her once, at Mayer’s funeral, but he’s excited to get to talk to her again.

Really excited, in fact. He’s practically bouncing on his toes when they reach the front door. It’s not like he’s never been here- he’s played pool here many times, back on slow days when Medda would allow the gang to come in as long as they didn’t try to drink or bug the customers. But there’s just… there’s something different about coming back now. He’s never gotten drunk here. He’s never gotten drunk with Jack at all, if he’s being honest.

The thought makes him nervous, but at least he can blame it on the alcohol if he does anything stupid.

As they walk through the threshold, David looks around with wide eyes. It’s not that it’s different or anything- no, no, on the contrary, everything is exactly how he remembers it. There’s a stage set up in the back for the occasional live band, and there’s a spacious floor covered by tables and benches. Old photos line the walls, in a lazy timeline of the town’s history. The lights are dim, the music is a low hum, and the bar is nearly empty, save for three older men at a back table and a group of about seven people laughing together in the other corner.

David follows Jack to the bar, where he whistles a familiar little tune as they take their seats on the stools. As if on cue, a door opens from behind the bar and out walks Medda with a wide grin on her face. “Jackie! Baby, how are-- Oh, Davey!” She hurries over, eyes widening as she grins. “Aww, hunny, how I’ve missed you! Look at you, all grown up… Gosh, it’s been too long, sweetheart.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” David says genuinely, but there’s a matching grin on his face. “But, hey, I’m back for good, and--”

“Now, don’t you say that,” Medda says with a pointed look, crossing her arms. “David Jacobs, you are a man of many talents. Your momma tells me so every time we speak, which is mighty often, if I do say so myself. You are worth so much more than what this town can give you, you hear? Baby, all’s I’m sayin’ is that you shouldn’t limit yourself. If you’re really gonna stay here… do it on your own accord.”

David is silent for a few moments, dumbstruck. He gulps and slowly nods, though, forcing a grin. “I will. It’s nice to see you again, Miss Medda.”

“You too, hunny,” She smiles, then tilts her head. “Now, what can I get you boys to drink?”

“I’ll take my usual,” Jack nods.

“Okay, so, a margarita for you, and… Davey?” Medda turns to face David.

He shrugs, an easy smile on his face. “Whiskey on the rocks, please.”

“Oh, that’s my boy! Bourbon or rye?”

“Bourbon,” He decides, chuckling to himself as Medda nods and turns to begin making the drinks. He then turns toward Jack, though his eyes widen a bit when he sees that Jack is giving him an incredulous look. “What? What is it?”

“Nothin’, I just…” Jack chuckles and grins. There’s this soft, faraway look in his eyes that makes David’s cheeks flare up. “I dunno. Didn’t expect you to order somethin’ like that. You keep surprising me, Jacobs.”

“Yeah?” David glances off to the side, biting his lip to avoid smiling. “Are they good surprises?”

A few moments pass before Jack gives a soft nod. “Yeah. They are.”

Medda brings them their drinks then, which starts up a new conversation. They talk and talk about drunken escapades and swap hangover stories for what seems like forever- in reality, it couldn’t have been more than fifteen minutes, but by the end they’re both laughing so hard that they can barely breathe. Jack is leaned over with his head resting on David’s shoulder, gripping tight at the bar to make sure he doesn’t fall over with the force of his laughter, but he stops abruptly when he hears a scoff behind them. David hears it, too, and his laughter slowly mellows out. He gulps as Jack moves away from him, but he can’t help but turn around to see what’s going on.

The group of older men is staring at them, whispering something, and David feels the nerves start buzzing under his skin. He turns back to look at Jack, but Jack is staring hard at the group, his jaw clenched. “Jackie, hey, are you--”

“What’re you laughin’ at, huh, Snyder?” Jack asks as he turns on the stool, his back against the bar. David’s hand flies out to rest on his shoulder, squeezing, but Jack doesn’t look at him.

Instead, he stares straight at the man in the middle- Snyder, of fucking course. David had thought he looked familiar.

Snyder had never been a great guy. Back before David moved away, he was basically a mentor to Daniel, Jack’s father, and no doubt had a hand in the way that Jack was raised. Snyder and Daniel were old drinking buddies, in fact.

And now Snyder is staring straight at Jack like he's a piece of fresh meat.

“You got a problem you’d like to address with me, boy?” Snyder asks in a gruff voice, standing from his place at the table he and his group were occupying.

“Sounds more like you got a problem with us,” Jack mutters as he stands, crossing his arms. He takes a side step forward, effectively blocking Davey in.

“I’s just tellin’ the fellas that I think you boys need to leave,” Snyder smiles- a sick, wicked smile that makes David’s heart pound in fear. “This bar ain’t no place for faggots.”

Jack gulps, and David can tell from the way he tenses that he’s shaken already, but Jack still shakes his head. “Last I checked, I don’t give a shit ‘bout what you got to say.”

“I told your daddy he shoulda shot you while he had the chance,” Snyder spat, coming in even closer. He doesn’t stop, not until he’s right in front of Jack, not until he’s close enough for the distinct stench of alcohol can radiate off of him. “Shoulda taught you a lesson, you godless little boy. Can't believe you'd prance 'round here after all your daddy did for you. He tried to set you straight, Jack, but you just had to disappoint him. 'S all you ever were to him, a disappointing fag. You’re goin’ to rot in the depths of hell, Kelly. Ain’t no place in heaven for queers like you.”

Jack takes in a deep breath. Sets his jaw.

“Ain’t no place for drunks either. Guess I’ll see you there.”

David can honestly say he wasn’t expecting the punch, but the next thing he knows is that Jack is on the ground. He expects Jack to get up, to fight back, to do something- but Jack looks, and there’s a cut just under his left eye, and he’s bleeding and breathing hard and there’s a wild panic on his face and before David can even register what’s going on, he’s stepping over Jack and roughly shoving Snyder back away from him.

“How dare you _fucking_ touch him?!” David yells, voice booming over the music. “What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?! You _son of a bitch,_ I’m gonna--” Before he can swing, though, there’s someone dragging him back, and it only takes a few moments for David to realize that there’s a barrier forming between them. The guy lets go of him and joins the line of guys blocking Snyder in away from Jack.

Oh, fuck-- _Jack._

He hears the guys around them telling Snyder and his friends to get the hell out, but David doesn’t wait for any responses as he kneels down next to Jack. Medda is there with him, dabbing at his cut with a piece of cloth from the kitchen, but David nods to her once he’s by Jack’s side. Medda nods back, and within seconds, David hears her voice, yelling at Snyder to leave her establishment and never come back.

David picks up the cloth, gently raising it up to wipe at the cut, but then Jack is flinching back and shaking his head and taking a deep breath. “N-No, please, _don’t-_ Don’t touch me, I’m s-sorry-”

“No, no, hey, Jack, don’t apologize, it’s okay,” David cuts in, a serious look on his face. David is confused, until he remembers Jack’s background, Jack’s dad... “Jackie, shh, it's okay, you're- you're safe, okay? I won't let anything happen to you again, I promise," He whispers, gulping hard. Jack still looks terrified, like any quick movement will set him off. "Jackie, can- Can you stand? Do you need help?"

Jack stares at him, then slowly shakes his head and pushes himself up. He’s shaking and breathing hard and he looks so, so confused and shaken, but he takes a few steps and nods to let David know he’s alright. “I-- I wanna go.”

“We should wait and call the co--"

“I n-need to get out of h-here, Davey, I want to go,” Jack pleads with tears welling in his eyes. He's trembling. Pale. His eyes are focused on his own hands, which shake so violently that David immediately knows Jack isn't going to be the one driving home tonight. There's blood on his cheek, on his neck, on his white t-shirt. David has never once seen Jack look so vulnerable. He nods, though, and hurriedly leading Jack outside of the bar. He’ll have to call Medda tonight and let her know he’d be by to pay her as soon as he could, but right now… Right now, making Jack feel comfortable is his main goal. His only goal.

Once they’re back to Jack’s truck, Jack rummages through his pockets and hands David the keys before climbing into the passenger’s seat. David wordlessly joins him and starts the truck. They're silent, painfully silent, as David keeps the truck steady on the highway.

Neither of them say a word until David hears Jack hiccup. "Jackie..."

“I- I just froze up,” Jack whispers, gulping hard. His voice is hoarse and raspy, and David can barely hear him, but he can hear how close to tears Jack is. “That’s never… I’ve never d-done that, Davey, I always fight back, why- why couldn’t I fight- fight back? Why didn’t--”

“Jack, you were punched in the face,” David murmurs, furrowing his brow. “Plus… Snyder is intimidating, and ruthless, and he- he could have done a lot worse... But- but you did what you needed to. You did what would keep you safe. You don’t have to be the hero--”

“--He could have _hurt_ you--”

“--But he _did_ hurt you, Jack! Don’t worry about me, Jackie, I’m okay, I promise. But you... Are you- Are you sure you don’t need stitches?” David asks quickly, gripping tight to the wheel.

“No, no, I-- I’m okay, I’m sorry,” Jack says in a soft, fragile voice. He shrinks into himself a little, rubbing his forehead. “I’m so sorry, Davey…”

Davey shakes his head. “You have nothing to apologize for, Jackie… None of this is your fault. He’s the one who should be in the wrong. Okay?”

Jack doesn’t answer, and David doesn’t press.

Instead, they drive. Drive back to Jack’s house, where David parks and climbs out. He watches Jack get out, waiting for a request, a goodbye, anything. Jack looks at him, gulps, and whispers, “I… I need to be alone for a bit. Just to- to get my head screwed back on straight.”

“Of course,” David says with a nod, rubbing his arm as he steps away from Jack’s truck, then walks toward his own car just a few feet away. He looks back at Jack, taking in a deep breath. Earlier tonight, when they were just having fun and eating dinner, Jack had looked ethereal. Now, though... Now he looks like a scared child.

David wonders, distantly, if that's what Jack looked like at the hands of his father's 'discipline' methods.

He pushes that thought out of his head and gulps hard. Now isn't the time to dwell on what's happened in the past, now is the time to make sure the man he loves- _loves-_ knows exactly how David feels. “Jackie? What you did tonight, standing up to him… That was really brave. You did so good, Jack. If you need anything, anything at all, please let me know. Even if it's just someone to talk to later. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jack replies, staring at David with an unreadable expression, before hurrying up the steps and into the house.

David stays until Jack’s bedroom light turns off. Just to be sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooof this chapter (and the next chapter) are legit the two that i've been WAITING to write !!


	9. home: where the heart is found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David understands.

**To: Jack**   
_Hey, just checking in. If you need to talk about it, I’m here. ___

__**To: Jack**   
_I know something like that can be a lot to handle, but I’m proud of you. Get some rest. My volume is up, just call if you need me. ____ _

____**To: Jack**   
_Love you._ _ _ _ _

____***1 New Notification: ‘Jack’ liked this message.** _ _ _ _

____***_ _ _ _

____David doesn’t sleep very well that night._ _ _ _

____He can’t. He really, really can’t, and it isn’t like he doesn’t try; he stays on his bed, staring at the ceiling for what feels like years, but sleep never comes. Sleep never whisks him away, never gives him mercy. No, David stays awake, worrying about… Jack._ _ _ _

____David has seen Jack participate in more fights than he can count on two hands. A few parking lot brawls after rodeos and football games come to mind, but those were… different. David remembers them clearly. In those instances, Jack had always been standing up to someone, standing up _for_ someone, someone who either wasn't there or had already been hurt. It's clear to David that Jack has a perfectly tuned moral compass, which is no doubt why he even talked back to Snyder in the first place tonight, but something about it feels off. _ _ _ _

____Off, until David realizes what was different. When they were younger, Jack had been a defender of those who couldn't protect themselves, but tonight…_ _ _ _

____Tonight, Jack didn't think he deserved to be defended._ _ _ _

____It's why he didn't fight back, right? Combined with the shock and the surprising similarity to the way Daniel treated him, that _had_ to be the reason. Jack Kelly didn’t fight back because, deep down, he thought Snyder was right. He thought that he deserved to be hurt._ _ _ _

____That thought alone keeps David up until nearly three in the morning._ _ _ _

____Analysis comes naturally to David-it was _literally_ in his job description back in New York, and he _literally_ took literary analysis courses while getting his degree- so it’s no surprise to himself that he keeps picking the interaction apart, from Jack’s initial anger to Jack’s overall panic, and he comes up with an explanation._ _ _ _

____Jack was abused as a teenager. There’s no disputing the fact. Based on what Jack had told him, based on what David knew from personal experience with Jack’s father, it doesn’t necessarily come as a surprise._ _ _ _

____So, Jack knows what abuse feels like. He knows what it feels like to be hurt by an older man- a father figure- and how debilitating the emotional fallout can be._ _ _ _

____Snyder, though not related to Jack, was still an integral part of his childhood. Snyder was his father’s best friend. He was at every church service, every barbeque, every family dinner, and David knew that, once upon a time, Jack looked up to Snyder._ _ _ _

____And tonight, Snyder attacked him. Called him slurs. Hurt him. Planted these thoughts in his mind that would stick with Jack for years… because David knew that the fear and the sting of your first public hate crime never goes away._ _ _ _

____That was another thing, wasn’t it? Jack had just come out not even a week prior to the incident, and he had already been hurt… David shuts his eyes and runs his hands through his hair at the thought. He sits up, gazing at the alarm clock next to his bed with a bleary gaze. “Fuck,” He mutters to himself as he reads the time._ _ _ _

____4:57 A.M._ _ _ _

____After that, there’s no going back. He pushes himself up and out of bed, rubbing his eyes hard as he walks to the bathroom down the hall. He doesn’t want to wake anyone up, but right now, he wants nothing but a nice, cold shower to wake him up. To give him more energy._ _ _ _

____Vaguely, he wonders if Jack is still awake._ _ _ _

____Though it pains him to do so, he decides not to message or call._ _ _ _

____By 5:36, David is back in his room, dressed only in a pair of gray sweats and an old t-shirt from college. He scrolls through his phone as he lays on his bed, checking the news, checking his social media, when all of a sudden, he sees an Instagram message pop up at the top of his screen. He furrows his brow, but clicks on it nonetheless._ _ _ _

____**jackfkelly:**  
you’re active way earlier than you need to be_ _ _ _

____**d_jacobs92:**  
I could say the same about you._ _ _ _

____**jackfkelly:**  
couldn’t sleep??_ _ _ _

____**d_jacobs92:**  
Nope. Just been staring at the ceiling for a while.  
How are you doing btw?_ _ _ _

____jackfkelly:  
better i think. idk. i havent slept either so. yeah.  
i’m sorry if you havent been sleeping because of what happened, i didnt mean to scare you or anything_ _ _ _

____**d_jacobs92:**  
I’ve been awake because I’m worried about you. I know that this can be a lot to take in, so I’ve just been wondering if you’re alright.  
I care about you a lot, jackie  
And I’m sorry if this sounds bad or weird or anything, I just needed you to know that_ _ _ _

____**jackfkelly:**   
i know it’s really early but can you come over  
if you trust yourself to drive rn_ _ _ _

____**d_jacobs92:**   
Be there in 15_ _ _ _

____True to his word, David was there in fifteen minutes. And, yeah, maybe he had been speeding just a little bit, but that was neither here nor there. What’s important is that, exactly fifteen minutes after sending his message, he’s pulling into Jack’s driveway._ _ _ _

____Jack, surprisingly, is already outside on the porch. There’s a gray blanket around his shoulders, and he’s shirtless and barefoot as he sits on the steps. His hair is all over the place, and there’s a nasty bruise on the right side of his cheek._ _ _ _

____He looks… horrible._ _ _ _

____And that’s before David even sees his red-rimmed eyes. As he approaches, Jack scoots to the side to give him a spot to sit. “Thank you for comin’,” Jack whispers, though he refuses to meet David’s eyes._ _ _ _

____David sits down next to him, purposely placing his hands on his lap, just to avoid reaching out to touch him. “You don’t need to thank me,” David murmurs, looking at him with a frown. “Is… Are you alright?”_ _ _ _

____“Has it ever happened to you?”_ _ _ _

____“What?” Davis furrows a brow. “You mean… like, getting hurt because of…?” He watches Jack, who nods slowly, and David takes in a deep breath. “There have been a few times. You remember the Delancey brothers, right? They used to shove me against lockers when you weren’t around. They’d call me names and stuff, but I never, uh, got actually hurt until sophomore year of college.”_ _ _ _

____Jack nods slowly, staring down at the ground. “...What happened?”_ _ _ _

____“I went out with this guy, I think his name was… Kyler, or something. We were just walking through Central Park together, having a good time, when this group of guys came up and started talking shit. We were trying to tell them to knock it off, and they didn’t really like that,” David sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only time I rode the subway home while bleeding.”_ _ _ _

____“But, that was in New York,” Jack tilts his head. “I thought that kind of stuff only happens in towns like this…”_ _ _ _

____David shakes his head. “It happens everywhere. It’s just… more noticeable in small towns. More contained.”_ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry that happened to you.”_ _ _ _

____“And I’m sorry _this_ happened to you,” Davis murmurs softly, looking at the dark bruise on Jack’s cheek. Now that the cut has had a little time to close up, David sees that it’s not as bad as he thought it was, but it still looks painful. “Jack, are you… Are you sure you’re alright?”_ _ _ _

____Jack nods, though he tenses and shakes his head nearly immediately after. “I- I just… I don’t know, I wasn’t expectin’ it. I thought we’d be alright…”_ _ _ _

____There’s something about the look on his face that makes David’s heart pound. “I know. I thought we would be, too… Plus- I mean, it isn’t like we were on a date or anything, so even just that reaction was over the top for no reason. It didn’t even look like we were a couple, so--”_ _ _ _

____“You really don’t see it, huh?” Jack murmurs, a sad look in his eyes, but he gulps. Stares at him for a few moments, then turns his head and stares at his truck. “I’ve been tryin’ to drop hints, tryin’ to show you… You don’t see it,” He repeats softly._ _ _ _

____David raises a brow, and suddenly feels as though the air around them has dropped ten degrees. “What- What am I not seeing? What do you mean?”_ _ _ _

____“Davey… Davey, I have to tell you somethin’, and I’m sorry, I know, b-but…”_ _ _ _

____“You can tell me anything, Jack,” David whispers, though there’s a confused expression written all over his face. He gulps hard, taking in a deep breath. “Is something wro--”_ _ _ _

____Jack cuts him off. “I’m in love with you.”_ _ _ _

____David’s words die in a strangled exhalation._ _ _ _

____A few moments stretch on forever. David freezes- he’s not sure how to react, not sure if this is a cruel joke, and, fuck, his hands are shaking, but suddenly, David is wide awake. All of the exhaustion he had been feeling all night is gone. He’s buzzing, with dread or excitement or a sick mixture of both, when he realizes he hasn’t responded, but he can’t get the words out. He opens his mouth to speak, to say that he loves him, God, he loves him, he’s been in love with him for years, but all that comes out is, “You-- Y-You’re what?”_ _ _ _

____Apparently, Jack must have been amused by that reaction. A laugh bubbles up from his chest, but as David notices the look on his face… He realizes it’s not a very happy sound. ”I’m in love with you,” Jack repeats, then leans forward, resting his forehead in his palms while his elbows connect to his knees. “I loved you when we were kids, too. Shocked you never noticed. It was pathetic,” He whispers._ _ _ _

____David sucks in a sharp breath. “Jackie, I--”_ _ _ _

____“I loved you when you came over for the first time and got excited about my cows,” Jack shakes his head, and David remembers. He remembers that day, because Jack was so excited and he was excited, too, and that was the day that David got to pet a calf for the first time. “I loved you when you said your speech at our 8th grade graduation. You were shakin’ so bad onstage and I just… I just wanted to go up there with you. Support you. I loved you when you came out and you were so fuckin’ nervous, and I hated myself for hurting you with how I reacted.”_ _ _ _

____“Jack…”_ _ _ _

____Even from where he’s sitting, David can see a sad grin on Jack’s face. His eyebrows furrow as he continues. “I loved you so much, and then- and then you left,” Jack gulps hard, and David knows he’s nervous, he’s on the bring of a breakdown or an attack, because his fingers are twitching and his eyes are shut. “I-I was heartbroken, Dave… I didn’t even- I didn’t even know it back then, that I loved you, but I _did,_ and seein’ you get in that car and drive off… Fuck, it hurt so bad. I was- I was so fuckin’ happy for you, ‘cause you deserved the best and New York was the best, but I… missed you,” Jack confesses in a tight voice. “But- But I got over it. I got over _you._ And then you- you had to come back here, lookin’ all beautiful and bright eyed… and all of that progress was ruined. I love you, Davey. I just… I need you to know that.”_ _ _ _

____A heavy silence shrouds the two of them. David can barely breathe- his hands are trembling and his eyes are watery, and he doesn’t even know what to begin to say._ _ _ _

____But, eventually, he finds his voice, and whispers, _“I love you, too.”__ _ _ _

____At that, Jack’s head whips up, as if he’s genuinely surprised. “You-- You do?”_ _ _ _

____“I love you,” David says again, a dumbstruck look on his face, though his nervousness soon fades into desperate relief and his smile nearly splits his face. “Jackie, I-- I’ve been in love with you for ages… You- You’ve always been my reason,” David breathes out. Within seconds, he’s moved from sitting next to Jack, and instead kneels in front of him on the steps, looking into his eyes. “You’ve always been my _everything._ I-- I don’t know where I would be without you. You’ve… You changed my life, back then, and you changed my life now, and I can’t-- I don’t know how I ever survived New York, Jackie, because every day, I thought of _you._ I thought of you, and your smile, and your laugh, and how you do that- that thing with your wrist when you’re nervous, and how your nose scrunches up when you get excited, and-- fuck, Jack, I-- I’ve loved you for- for longer than I’ll ever be able to explain! You-... You’ve always been the only one, Jack…”_ _ _ _

____Looking up at Jack right now, so close, is something that David will never forget. His brown skin is even darker around his cheeks, and he has this huge grin- one that makes his eyes squint, one that covers his entire face- and there are tears in his eyes and, oh, he’s crying now, and all David can do is reach up and _hold_ him._ _ _ _

____Hold him like he’s the only thing in this world that matters._ _ _ _

____And it isn’t as though David is calm, cool, and collected either- no, no, David is shaking and laughing as tears cascade down his cheeks. His arms tighten around Jack’s hold, refusing to let go… but, judging by the grip that Jack has on his shirt, he assumes that Jack doesn’t want to let go either._ _ _ _

____Slowly, though, Jack pulls back, but he brings his hands up to cup David’s cheeks. David responds instantly by closing his eyes and relaxing into the touch, letting out a soft sigh of relief- a breath he’s been holding since they were ten years old, a breath eighteen years in the making. He’s been dreaming for this, waiting for this, praying for this, and now, it’s his new reality._ _ _ _

____David opens his eyes again and stares up at Jack, who looks at him like he’s the only man in the world, and suddenly, David doesn’t know how he _missed it._ How he missed all of it. The gestures, the clues, the moments when it was so, so obvious._ _ _ _

____They have a lot of lost time to make up, but that’s the least of David’s worries._ _ _ _

____They’re silent for a long, long moment, until Jack takes in a deep breath, stares into David’s eyes, and whispers, “Can I kiss you?”_ _ _ _

____David doesn’t answer. Instead, he leans forward and connects their lips._ _ _ _

____Now, David has never been one for cliches, but the kiss is everything he’d ever dreamed of. He feels the butterflies, the fireworks, the pounding in his chest as Jack’s hands tangle into his hair. The kiss is barely coordinated- a desperate mix of soft and rough, timid yet passionate, and it takes his breath away._ _ _ _

____He pushes himself closer, hands coming down to rest on Jack’s hips, and Jack suddenly pulls away, cheeks dark and eyes even darker. “Fuck, Dave, we--”_ _ _ _

____“--Inside--”_ _ _ _

____“C’mon,” Jack rasps out as he stands, pulling David up with him._ _ _ _

____This time, as they both hurry inside, hurry into the warmth and the comfort of _home, together,_ Jack’s hand doesn’t leave his grip._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE MOMENT WE'VE ALLLLLLLL BEEN WAITING FOOOOOOOR  
> i just want to thank ALL of you for the love and support on this fic !!! the next chapter will be the last, but i think i'll be continuing this au- and i'll make it a series of little fics- so comment down below what you'd like to see explored more in this au! and don't forget to check for the last chapter !!  
> i love you all so so much !!


	10. home: at last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David and Jack say hello to a new beginning.

Sunrise.

Earth’s picture perfect way of saying, “Welcome to a new chance.”

Sunrise has always been David’s favorite time of day. He’s always been a morning person. He’s pretty sure that it had a lot to do with the way he was raised- mornings were family time. Breakfast would be made every morning before school and work, and the family would talk about their day, their plans, whatever came to mind.

Now, though, David has another reason to love mornings, and that reason is Jack Kelly.

Jack, who looks so beautiful in the golden sunrise pouring into the window. Jack, all brown skin and shark angles and soft features. Jack, and the marks that cover his chest, his throat, his thighs.

David has never seen a better sight, not in his twenty-eight years on this godforsaken Earth.

Slowly, David rolls over in bed, facing Jack with a tired smile. He watches as Jack’s chest rises and falls evenly with each breath, and notes the pure relaxation that covers Jack’s features. He looks so young like this. So… happy.

David will gladly spend the rest of his life making Jack look like this all the time, if given the chance.

That thought alone makes David’s breath catch in his throat. He can see it oh so clearly: a small wedding with close friends and family, a home for themselves- maybe Jack’s home, since he’s done so much to make it look nice- and they can own the farm, and adopt a dog, or… or even adopt a child…

Or, who knows, maybe they’ll move. Maybe they’ll travel. As far as David knows, Jack has lived in this one little town for an entire lifetime. Maybe what they need to do is go on their own adventures, maybe run away for a little while. They can take a road trip, from Oklahoma to New Mexico to California and end up somewhere in Oregon and Washington, or maybe- just maybe- they’ll hit Florida and Georgia and go along the coast until they reach New York City. Maybe they’ll go international. London, because of the rich literature and historical sights, and Paris, for the art scene, and Greece and Spain and Australia and South Korea and India and, God, David doesn’t care where they go, as long as they’re together.

It’s a scary thought, really, how close he is to getting on one knee already. They’ve barely been a _thing_ for twenty-four hours, but David already knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with the man lying next to him.

David continues admiring him, though, taking in every new detail about him that he can find, until he sees long eyelashes flutter open. For a moment, Jack looks confused, but then he’s stretching so gorgeously and reaching out for David, and there’s this satisfied little grin on his face that makes David’s heart flutter in his chest. He moves closer, though, resting his arm over Jack’s waist as he smiles and looks into his eyes. “Morning, Jackie.”

“Mm… Good mornin’, _mi cielito lindo,”_ Jack murmurs, his hand splaying across David’s chest. “How’d you sleep after last night?”

“I haven’t slept so good in years,” David admits with a smirk, leaning in closer. He presses a soft kiss to Jack’s jawline, sighing contentedly against his skin. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Jus’ a little sore, but it’s nothin’ I can’t handle,” Jack whispers, then slowly sits up. He looks down at David from over his shoulder. “Y’know, I never thought ya had it in you.”

David raises a brow. “What do you mean?”

“Always thought you were a bottom.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up. I hate you. Get out of my sight.”

“Well, I wish I could, but you’re in _my_ bedroom,” Jack grins, then moves closer, straddling David’s hips, “and, according to last night… You’re, I dunno, kinda in love with me.”

“That I am,” David murmurs, looking into Jack’s eyes. He leans in and kisses him and, fuck, it feels… surreal. Surreal, because just last week, David figured he surely would have died before he ever got his chance to kiss the man he’s been in love with since he was ten years old.

He doesn’t have much time to think about that, though, as Jack’s hips begin rolling against his own and his hands find place in David’s hair.

***

An hour and a half later, Jack and David are outside on the porch, sipping coffee together in comfortable silence. They’ve already had their shower, and are both dressed and ready for the day, but… well, they have no obligations right now. They fed the cows before making coffee, and they’ve already made any necessary calls. Now, they have an entire day ahead of them.

Naturally, though, Jack is the first to break the silence. “We-- Uh, we’re dating now. Right?”

David’s eyes widen a bit, and he looks up at Jack. He nods slowly, gulping. “I mean… I’ve been waiting for you to say that since, like, freshman year, so we _better_ be,” He says with a teasing grin.

Jack shakes his head and smiles wide, looking down at David, who is laying with his head in Jack’s lap. “Oh, shut up,” He murmurs, running his hand though David’s hair. “I was just wantin’ to make sure, ‘fore I start tellin’ everyone I was the lucky fella that snagged ya.”

“Who’re you gonna tell?” David asks, tilting his head. “I’m fine with telling people- I want to tell people- but I’m just curious.”

Jack nods. “I’d like to put it on, like, Instagram, or--”

“Jack, you have photos of yourself holding fish on your Instagram. Your online presence is still aggressi--”

“Aggressively heterosexual, I know, I know,” Jack laughs. “You’ll have to help me make it… not so farm boy.”

David blinks, then takes in a breath. “No, that’s not-- Jackie, you don’t have to change anything about yourself for me, okay? Especially not your social media.”

“Well, I just--” Jack cuts himself off, shrugging while he lets out a sigh. “I… I kept up the whole farm boy thing for appearances sake, y’know? I’d like to, uh… experiment with my style. The country thing is, um, gettin’ a little old.”

“What do you mean?” David asks softly, sitting up. He looks at Jack, whose expression has taken a turn. He doesn’t look… Happy. He looks like he regrets something.

Jack leans against David’s side. “I just mean… I don’t know. I don’t know if this lifestyle is really for me. I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout sellin’ the farm for almost a year now, but I don’t know what I’d do in the meantime, y’know? This is all I’ve ever known.”

“Well,” David starts, considering for a moment, before he places a hand over Jack’s. “You have that welding certification, right? You could always, I don’t know, see if Albert would let you work at the shop until you find out what you actually want to do.”

“I… I think I know what I want to do, though.”

“Oh?”

Jack nods, silent for a few moments, until his expression turns determined. “I wanna go to art school.”

_“Oh.”_

“I-- I know,” Jack says quickly, and leans away from David’s hold. “I know that- that it’s, uh, kinda crazy, and I know that I’m older, but I just- I never got the chance, y’know? And I--”

“No, I didn’t mean- That wasn’t a bad ‘oh’ at all, I promise,” David clarifies quickly, “I just- I don’t know, that… surprised me. You still do art?”

“Not as often as I’d like, but… Yeah,” Jack admits with a sheepish smile. “Is that crazy? Me wantin’ to go?”

David raises a brow. “Why would it be crazy?”

Jack shrugs. There’s this look in his eyes- an uncertainty, an insecurity, and David wishes he could just… press a button and make it all go away. “Well, like I said, I’m older.”

“Charlie is the same age as you, and he’s in college.”

“And it would be expensive, probably.”

“Student loans and scholarships exist. I could help you out with financial stuff, I have a lot in savings.”

“Yeah, but that’s _money_ for your life.”

“Jack,” David says sternly, taking Jack’s hand in his own and lacing their fingers together. “You’re my life now, too. Okay? You’ve been my life since kindergarten. I’m here to help you and support you and love you no matter what you do, okay? And if you want to go to art school,” David pauses, pressing a soft kiss to Jack’s knuckles, “then I’ll be there for you every step of the way. I believe in you, Jackie. You should do it.”

Jack gulps, smiles wide, and nods. “Okay. Okay, yeah, I’ll look into it.”

***

“We need to tell Momma,” David says later that day, lying diagonally on Jack’s bed while Jack does his hair in the bathroom attached to the bedroom. He’s staring at his phone, scrolling through Twitter absentmindedly. “And, uh, Sarah and Katherine. They were the ones who told me to flirt with you, y’know. They’ll, like, legitimately kill me if I don’t tell them.”

“Well, are they at your place? We could go tell ‘em now,” Jack peeks his head back into the bedroom. “If you want to, that is… Hey, should I cut my hair? I didn’t realize it was gettin’ so long.”

“Long hair suits you,” David smiles as he sits up, bracing himself on his elbows. “Go for it if you want, but it’s hot.”

“You ain’t jus’ sayin’ that?”

David shakes his head. He pushes himself off of the bed and crosses the room, leaning against the door frame as Jack walks back to the mirror. Jack looks absolutely heavenly- shirtless, for one, wearing only a tight pair of bootcut jeans and that goddamned belt with the belt buckle he’d kept from his rodeo days. He’s all brown skin and lean muscle and, well, David wishes he could have been acquainted with this sight a lot sooner. “I mean it. I think it looks better on you.”

He watches as Jack looks at his reflection in the mirror and smiles- a wide grin, accompanied by an honest to god _giggle,_ and David feels his heart burst in his chest. “Good, ‘cause I like it, too.”

“Good,” David repeats with a smile. It strikes him then that, what they have, has never been… ‘platonic.’ It’s only ever been like _this._ This playful banter, this comfortable flirting. They should have known years ago that this would be their ending- them being together, in more ways than one.

David takes in a deep breath, then tilts his head. “Anyways, I think it would probably be good to tell them today? I mean, I’m pretty sure that they may have drawn their own conclusions about where I’ve been the past twenty-four hours, but…”

Jack stills, then glances back to David. “Well… They’re gonna know when they see your neck.”

_“What?”_

Jack sidesteps, gesturing for David to look at his reflection in the mirror. David approaches slowly, then tilts his jaw up, staring with wide eyes at the marks covering the expanse of his throat. “Jack!”

“Hey, don’t blame me!” Jack huffs, gently pushing David away from the mirror. “You look good with ‘em!”

“My mother will beg to differ!”

“You didn’t have any complaints about it last night… or this mornin’,” Jack says with a poorly hidden smirk as he turns to pull on his shirt.

David watches him, bewildered, and lets out a deep, guttural groan as he turns and walks out of the bathroom. “I hate you.”

“Love you too!”

***

The truck doors close quietly, and within a few moments, Jack and David are walking to the front door of the Jacobs household. They don’t hold hands or anything- no, they’re waiting for that, waiting until they can explain, until they can control the reaction.

Thankfully, as they enter the house, Les is the only one in the living room. He’s lying on his back with his headphones on, staring at something on his phone- a music video, probably, though David has no idea who the artist is. David walks closer and brings his foot up, nudging his brother’s shoulder with his shoe. “Les! Hey, headphones out.”

Les looks up at David and grimaces, pausing the video and taking out one headphone. “What do you want?”

“I want you to be nice to me, for one,” David says with crossed arms. “And, for two, I want to tell you something… We,” David restarts, glancing back at Jack, “want to tell you something.”

Les sits up. He looks at David, then at Jack, and David can see the gears turning in his head before his eyes widen and he stands. “You two…?”

“Yup,” Jack supplies with a smirk.

“Finally! I fucking knew it! I knew it! You two are a thing!” Les yells, smiling wide as he pulls David into a hug. “Oh, thank you! Now I won’t have to see you die alone!”

“Les, are you kidding me?” David groans, and wiggles out of his brother’s tight grip. “I shouldn’t have told you. Nevermind. You suck.”

“It’s the truth, Dave,” Les says with a grin as he walks over to Jack, shaking his hand and giving him a pat on the back. It’s funny, watching them- Les is so much taller than Jack, but Jack is ten years older than him. David snickers as Les gets a serious look on his face. “If you hurt my brother, I’ll hurt you. Okay?”

“Woah, woah, woah, you’ve known me since you were a baby,” Jack raises a brow. “You know I wouldn’t hurt him.”

“I’m trying to be intimidating, Jack, and you’re kind of ruining the vibe.”

“The… vibe.”

“The vibe,” Les repeats with a nod.

Jack stares at him for a few moments, slowly nodding. “...Okay, yeah, you were intimidating. Good job, bud.”

“Good job actually confessing to my brother instead of pining like an idiot for another ten years,” He smirks, then walks to the couch. “Kath and Sarah are upstairs. Momma ran to the co-op, she’ll be back soon.”

“Thanks,” David says with a grin, then gives Les a pat on the back. “Talk to you later?”

“Mhm,” Les nods, then reaches for his phone again.

David takes that as their cue to leave. He gently takes Jack’s hand and leads him upstairs, to Sarah’s old bedroom, no doubt. She has her own apartment, but she still stays over at least once a week, and Katherine usually stays with her. At least they’re together for this.

Slowly, David knocks on the door. “I’m coming in!” He yells, then opens the door, slowly peeking in. “Oh, thank God,” He says with a dramatic sigh. “Thank you for being clothed--”

“Oh, my God! You got laid!” Katherine exclaims from her spot in the rolling chair at Sarah’s desk. “Hickies! Sarah, he has hickies!”

“I’d rather stay out of my brother’s sex life,” Sarah says with a shake of her head, though she looks over at David, furrowing her brow. “Please tell me this isn’t a rebound thing,” She sighs. “I know that the Jack thing isn’t really working the way you want it to, but--”

“What Jack thing?” Jack asks with a grin as he pushes past David, walking into the room. “Dave has a Jack thing? Huh. I didn’t notice.”

“Holy shit!” Katherine jumps up from her chair. “You two-- Finally! Oh, my God! This is-- I’m so happy for you two!” She races over, damn near tackling Jack in a hug, and Jack stumbles back with wide eyes.

“Woah, woah, Katie,” Jack catches himself with a hand against the wall, shooting a look over to Sarah. “You wanna give me a hand over here?”

“Nah, I think you have it handled,” Sarah says with a laugh, then looks over at David while Katherine begins asking Jack question after question. “Last night?”

“Yesterday morning,” David clarifies, rubbing the back of his neck. He glances over at Jack, then back at Sarah, who has a proud smile on her face. “Good?”

“Great,” Sarah responds, and nods. “Really great. You look happy.”

“I am--”

_“Oh, my God! Guess what we can have?! Double dates!”_

***

They stay in Sarah’s room until David hears a car door shut from outside.

That’s what makes it feel real. Like, really real. Real enough to tell his mom, real enough to openly say that Jack is a bigger part of his life now, and David’s heart pounds at the thought… But, everything should go well. Right? Everything should be fine. Better than fine! Esther has known Jack since they were in preschool and she already likes him, so, like, everything is good.

But David still feels nervous.

Apparently, Jack can tell. 

He reaches over and gently takes David’s hand, looking into his eyes with a curious expression. He looks beautiful like this, David notes, all raw emotion and genuine curiosity. “Are you ready?” He asks softly, lowly, in a voice that David has only ever heard a few times. Once, when David hugged him after Jack apologized for the way he acted when David came out, and another time when David was too nervous to open his college acceptance letter from NYU.

David looks at Jack with a soft grin, and nods. “Yeah. Let’s go tell Momma.”

They both wait at the top of the staircase until they hear that she’s for sure in the kitchen before making their descent. David is first, and once they’re on the bottom floor, he gestures for Jack to wait in the living room. Slowly, David walks to the kitchen where Esther is, pouring herself a glass of lemonade. “Hey, Momma.”

“Hi, baby,” She says with a grin, and her eyebrows rise just a little- no doubt as she catches sight of the marks on David’s throat. She ignores them, though, instead smiling and taking another sip of her drink. “I heard about Spotty and Tony,” She says with a giddy laugh, tilting her head. “I always knew them boys were gonna end up together. I’m real excited, Davey, aren’t you?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m really glad I’m back in time to see it,” David says with a nervous laugh, and rubs his arm.

She eyes him, critically, and finally takes a step forward. “...You look pale, baby. Are you feelin’ okay?”

“I’m feeling great, Momma,” David says genuinely, and he means it. The past forty-eight hours have been surreal. “Better than I’ve felt in a really long time. I just… There’s something I want you to know.”

“Oh?” Esther tilts her head with a surprised expression, but she’s grinning. “Well, don’t hold out on me! What is it?”

“I, uh,” David gulps, then lets out a soft exhalation reminiscent of a laugh. “I have a boyfriend.”

“I could tell,” She deadpans, eyeing the marks on his neck. “Bet the whole town can tell.”

“Oh, Momma, come on--”

“I’m just pullin’ your leg, dear,” Esther grins, and crosses her arms. “Tell me more about this boy! When can I meet ‘im?”

“Well… He’s here now,” David admits, rocking on his heels.

Esther’s eyes widen just slightly, and she claps her hands together. “Aw, baby, that’s wonderful! Where is he?”

David shakes his head in amusement as he watches her. He knew she’d be excited, knew he had nothing to worry about, but he still waits a few moments, just to catch his breath, before he looks toward the living room with a red face. “You can come out now.”

He doesn’t watch Jack come in. Instead, he watches Esther’s face, which turns from confusion to shock to an overwhelming happiness, and she grips the counter to steady herself. “Oh, my-- You- Are you kidding? Dee, are you-- You-- Oh, Jackie, come here!” She exclaims with a high laugh. She wastes no time, though, in hurrying forward to envelop Jack in a tight hug.

Jack hugs back immediately, taking in a deep breath before letting out a happy laugh. He rubs her back, and David can see the beginnings of tears in his misty eyes.

Judging by the way that Esther’s shoulders begin shaking, he’s not the only one. She pulls away and wipes furiously at her face, shaking her hands. “Oh, I’m sorry, I just-- I wasn’t expecting this,” She breathes, and smiles wide. “My Davey and my favorite Jackie… Oh, I-- I-I wish Mayer was here to see this,” She whispers, then looks at Jack, a proud smile splitting her cheeks. “He- He _loved_ you, baby, he would’a been so happy to know- to know that you’re the one takin’ care of our boy.”

Fucking hell.

David takes in a deep, shaky breath, then blindly reaches for Jack’s hand. He squeezes when he finds it, choking back his own wave of tears, but Jack isn’t so lucky. He’s smiling, but a whimper sneaks its way out, and he’s quickly wiping his eyes with his free hand immediately after. “I-I’m sorry,” He says in a laugh, gulping hard. “That- That means a lot, Momma, really. I… I’m real glad that David chose me. I’m a lucky guy.”

“Oh, please tell me y’all are stayin’ for supper,” Esther pleads, and looks between the two of them. “We need to celebrate!”

Jack looks at David and shrugs. David looks at Jack and grins.

They stay for supper that night, and many other nights. They stay there, together, irrevocably in love with each other.

And, sure, it isn’t perfect. David has days where all he wants is a hug from his father, days when he can’t bring himself to get out of bed. Jack has his moments, his nightmares, from a time of pain and fear and loneliness that don’t go away for days afterward.

Their life together isn’t perfect, but, then again, it never has been.

But, _damn,_ if it isn’t the best they can make it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, folks, it's been fun!!
> 
> seriously, though, i've put so much of myself into this fic. i've used my own town as inspiration. i've sprinkled in my own opinions and issues and feelings. i've made this into my own personal diary, you could say.
> 
> and the love and support has been MINDBLOWING.
> 
> i never thought that anyone else would like this idea. i wasn't going to even write a second chapter, but here we are, 10 chapters in, saying goodbye to the main story. but this isn't a goodbye to the AU! i'm taking prompts and requests over on my tumblr, @we-are-inevitable, for continuations of this au! so, if you guys have anything y'all want to see, head on over and drop me an ask!!
> 
> i love you all a bushel and a peck !! and thank you for sticking around!!
> 
> yours truly,  
>  jac. <3

**Author's Note:**

> as always, come talk to me on tumblr! @we-are-inevitable
> 
> my ask box is always open! feel free to send headcanons or asks about this fic (i will love u forever) and don't be afraid to say hi!!


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